It's Sunday night and I can't get to sleep. That is usually God's way of telling me I need to get up and write this blog post. Had a rough week and not too happy with myself. Why I feel I need outside validation - I just don't understand, and just when I start to feel ok with my life, I do something that reminds me why I hate myself and why I always seem to burn the bridges in my life. On the other hand, I prefer black and white. Gray areas mess with my head far too much.
Next week should be brutal at work and my class takes up more time than I thought it would. I am learning alot, but I was deeply considering going back to school next fall and get my Bachelor's degree. But this class is really teaching me that, I do not believe I can handle school at this time. I barely have the energy to get out of bed, let alone write essays on stem cell research and other subjects I have no desire to write about. So my pitch to my bosses and my plans to attend Franklin University in 2013 will just have to be taken off the table at this time. Unless something changes between now and then.
Which is good, really. If the Lord really wants me to go back to school, then it would happen, but I was just looking for direction and now I do not believe that going back to school is the direction the Lord wants me to go in.
So in seeking some sound direction for my life, I decided to really read what Paul has to say. I wanted to find out chronologically when Paul wrote the epistles and read them that way. It was strange that I could not hardly find two websites that agree with when the epistles were written. Some sites said that 1st and 2nd Thessalonians were the first to be written and some said that Galatians was written between 1st and 2nd Thessalonians. But most agreed that 1st Thessalonians was the first epistle that Paul wrote to the believers.
So I read the first two chapters of 1st Thessalonians this morning. There was some things that really stuck out to me. First off, Paul and Silvanus and Timothy were the local leadership writing this epistle to the church (the believers) in Thessalonica and the very first thing they say is, "Grace be unto you and peace, from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ." The Grace and peace are FROM GOD to us. He is always bestowing grace and peace on us, even in the darkest of times. Then the leadership reminds the believers of three things that they (the believers) were doing, "your work of faith, and labor of love and patience of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ, in the sight of God our Father." Because those three things are the staple of the believers life - faith, hope and love (with the greatest being love.) I really think that I want to delve more deeply into each one because each one is so important in and of itself.
Then verse 4, "Knowing, brethren beloved, your election of God." Right off the bat, Paul is letting the believers know that they were chosen by God. Election is very important and not as a way to lord it over non-believers - but something to hold in high esteem and understand the great privilege it is, something to be thankful for and to aspire to.
They reminded the believers that when they worked among them, "how holily and justly and unblamably we behaved ourselves among you that believe." and I knew at that moment that I was not behaving holy or justly or definitely not unblameably. But the very next verse tells the believers what they needed to do, "That ye would walk worthy of God, who hath called you unto his kingdom and glory." Ah yes, that's the ticket.
It is not that we are under the law, touch not, taste not, handle not. It is that we
choose to walk worthy of the HIGH CALLING of God! I know, maybe that seems so simple, because doctrinally it is simple, but practically not so much.
I am in a position recently, where I have a leadership role in the local 35+ singles ministry. A position that I truly believe is where the Lord is opening doors for me, and I'm not even getting the basics of walking holy, justly and certainly not unblameably. Not that I was looking to be a leader, but if the Lord wants me to be a leader, it needs to be the holy, just and unblameable kind of leader like a parent with their children. One thing I have learned, in life, in the military and even in the workplace, the best leaders, LEAD by example. I have to say, that I am definitely falling short of that.
I didn't go to Sioux Falls this weekend. It was really too far to drive, and I saved $500 or so by not going. But a part of me really wishes I could have gone. Oh well.
I'm finally feeling tired and I have to work in the morning. Hope you all are doing well.
Lots of love
Linda
