Wednesday, January 30, 2013

-- --- .-. … . -.-. --- -.. .

I’m teaching myself Morse code. Mostly because I am starting a new Amateur radio class on Saturday at 9am. The class is free and being held at the hospital (so I can walk from my house) and at the end of the class I will be able to get my technician’s license. I’ve always been interested in the concept of ham radio and the survivalist in me thinks it is worth the price. I’m excited about it. 

I’ve already learned some interesting facts. Such as, those in the know don’t call it “dots” and “dashes” but “dits” and “dahs”. I’m finding that I’m learning the visual part of the code much faster than the audio part – and the audio part is what is important. Morse code is almost always sent as a sound language and not a visual language. But I found this great website that has you-tube lessons. I’ve only taken lesson one so far, but I’m learning it pretty fast. Here is the website:


.-.. --- - …   --- ..-.   .-… --- …- .

Linda

 

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Peace



Things have settled down somewhat in my life. I am trying to get back to the place where I spend some time each day to get quiet before the Lord. To find the place of, “Be still and know that I AM God”. I am reminded once again that the promises of God will come to pass because he is faithful and that I am to rest in those promises. 

I’ve been reading a couple of books from Gary Sigler:

  
   
Both books have really settled my heart and get me back to the place where I am not looking at the world and the situations around me, but spending each day, trusting in the Father. More books by Gary Sigler are located here.

Lots of Love

Linda

Friday, January 11, 2013

Battle of the Sexes


Now, I’ll admit – I really was in a bad mood that night. Not consciously. Not like I thought to myself at any time before the event happened, “Wow – I am in a bad mood.” Not like that. I was still in a - putting one foot in front of the other – get up – take a shower – put on make-up – go to work – deal with the fact that the electricity is out in half my house due to a faulty breaker – try not to be bitter and just get through the day – kind of way. Not that what happened last weekend alone is what devastated me; it was the culmination of  a shitload of bad dates and disappointments. I was at the breaking point.

See – I perceive myself to be a relatively calm person for the most part. I remain calm, cool and collected amongst the extreme stress and chaos that goes on in my job, in my personal life, when up against people freaking out all around me. But the truth is – while I sleep – all that stress gets dealt with. I grind my teeth at night – BAD. If it wasn’t for the mouth guard that I sleep with at night that prevents my jaws from actually touching, my teeth would be worn down to stubs and I would have chronic headaches and muscle cramps in my jaw. I guess maybe I’m really not that calm after all. 

So I went to the single’s group hoping that the Word of God would somehow soothe my achy soul and set my mind and heart at peace. Well, no such luck. 

After some discussion and an opening prayer it was announced that we were all going to play a game. 

Not just any game – but Battle of the Sexes!  

So here I am – trying with all my heart not to cave in to stereo-typing the opposite sex by my bad experiences but now I’m required to play a game that is going to emphasize the stereo-type. 

There was no way I was going to play that game. 

And – 

There was no delicate way to get out of it either. How DO I always seem to get into these predicaments? 

When I first began to protest under my breath – the guy sitting next to me with a big grin on his face said, “Now – be nice”. But niceness had nothing to do with it and I’ve never been one of those “go along to get along” kinds of people. I was a little too vulnerable about that particular subject at that moment to sit and play nice and hope my brokenness is not exposed. So I did the only thing I could do. I said, “I’m not going to play that game.”

I’d just committed the unforgivable sin. 

The girl who was leading the meeting said, “But we need your input – your expertise” I wanted to laugh out loud. My expertise?! I have 100% fail rate on my relationships with men. One Hundred Percent FAIL. I can tell you now – I know nothing about men and what I do know – I am struggling hard not to believe. Oh no – no-one needs that kind of expertise right now. 

I had to leave. I had to get out of there. I couldn’t stay with all the disappointed looks and guilt-tripping going on. I said, “I have to go.” One of the guys asked me where I was going and I said home.

Then I was outside and the hardest part was over. The blast of cold winter air hit me and helped to clear my head. I got in my van and drove home and it occurred to me that I never had to go back. 

Maybe I need less of an emphasis on singles and the differences between the sexes and the “battle” as it were – and more on how there is neither male nor female but we are all ONE in Christ Jesus. (Gal 3:28) I really could use some “unity of the faith” right about now.

Lots of love

Linda

Monday, January 7, 2013

The Bitter Cup

Yet another disappointment. This last one hit me harder than I would have thought. Mainly because to find a good man is a very hard thing. Far, far harder than one would think. It makes all the clich├ęs come to mind - a needle in a haystack, one among a thousand or even, water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink.

Well. At least for me.

The leader of the singles ministry asked me to read a book to see if it was appropriate for our singles group to study. The name of the book was, "How to get a date worth keeping." by Henry Cloud. So I got it and read it and thought it was pretty good. It was basically a secular book with a little bit of christian phrasing thrown in for good measure. Not appropriate for our singles group to study but, I thought, a fairly decent guide to dating.

So I decided to follow the directions in the book. Actually, that is not true. The author spends some time openly mocking the idea of a woman waiting upon the Lord for a husband etc. So I thought, Ok, maybe this guy is right, maybe I'm not putting myself out there. So I followed a couple of his ideas and decided to sign up for an online dating service. Boy, do I have some stories to tell for that experience!

Speaking of which, several of the members of the singles group got together for New Year's eve. We were swapping stories about the hazards of dating and I was regaling them with the story of one of my more disastrous dates. After a really nice evening with the guy on my porch asking me if I wanted to go out with him again and after I had already said yes, the guy asks to kiss me and then proceeds to stick his entire tongue in my mouth and then just leaves it there! I back away in shock and his tongue is still sticking out and he says, "Oh! You left my tongue hanging in the wind!" Gross, I mean really. Just eww! But, for it being a horrendous experience it was a hilarious story and everyone was roaring with laughter.

Then another girl in the group told her funny story about how she had to hide one set of flowers from one guy in the bathtub because someone else had bought her more, and someone other than that had made her fudge. Now. I know we are not supposed to compare ourselves with others, but that story really stuck in my mind. Really Lord? She gets the flowers and I get the guy's tongue in my mouth. Why is that Lord? But I know why it is - She is coy and cute and doesn't get emotionally involved until she knows if she even likes someone - which could take several dates. She knows how to play the game. And frankly, I don't.

I remember a situation when I was growing up that we were all eating dinner at my aunt's house. They were serving lima beans and I am sorry, but lima beans are THE grossest thing out there. So I told my parents that I didn't like lima beans and that I didn't want to eat them. Well, since the clean plate club was a doctrine my parents whole-heartedly subscribed to, I was told I could not leave the table until I had eaten every last one. I know I sat there for at least an hour before I could finally leave the table. I can't remember now if I actually ate them or if I just got in more trouble for not eating them. My little sister, on the other hand, quietly wrapped up her lima beans in her napkin and threw them away. She didn't eat them and she didn't get in trouble for it either. My aunt loves to tell me that story and every time she does she always says, "poor Linda - she just doesn't know how to play the game."

Even though I am much, much better than I ever have been, I still do not know how to play the game. I don't know how to do anything half way and I get emotionally involved to some extent every single time. Even recently I gave someone the link to this blog that I wish I hadn't. That is like giving someone the key to my diary and saying - here read all about my flaws and my heartaches and my character defects. But a part of me can't help myself. I'm too trusting. I have yet to master the ability to guard my heart. 

So I decided to close down that online dating account. A part of me always felt that being on that site was unbelief anyway. Unbelief that what the Father had promised me - He was not able to deliver. You would almost think that from this experience it would actually be harder for me to believe after seeing what is out there. But there was a part of me that was afraid that I was going to get an Ishmael for my unbelief and I didn't want that either.

This morning I read something about Gethsemane, and thought maybe this is my Gethsemane. This is the thing that I cry about and struggle with and put before the Lord and beg Him that this cup may pass from me - but not my will but thine be done. This is the dark night that I sometimes don't believe I am going to be able to get through. This is my fear that has come upon me.

The Lord is faithful. What He has promised He IS able to deliver. Even though hope deferred makes the heart sick, I still have hope.

When I was on the plane coming back from Oregon - having had such a wonderful visit with my family - I was really sad to come back to Wyoming. I was thinking - why am I out here so far away from home? But then I am reminded that the Lord has work for me here - even if I don't always understand what it is that I am to do. I still believe that there are reasons for me being here - and for me going through my own private Gethsemane. It was the joy that was set before him that helped Jesus get through. I look forward to the joy that the Lord has for me as well.

Lots of love my friends!
Linda

Thursday, January 3, 2013

My Refuge and Fortress


So it is back to the same old grind at work. Everyone was extremely grumpy yesterday except for me. I have high hopes for the future. 

Sometimes I am ignorant of how the Lord orchestrates my life to miss drama and calamity until after the fact. My aunt called me last night to tell me about all the drama and craziness that happened in the family here in Casper while I was blissfully unaware having a good time out there in Oregon. Thank you Lord. Nothing says sucky Christmas like too much drama. 

It is so nice that more and more – the Lord is keeping me out of the worst of the attacks and giving me the strength to deal with them when they are in my face. I’m beginning to recognize a pattern of the Lord protecting me from personality conflicts and other things that I have a very hard time dealing with. The Lord is making it so that I can now deal with stress and emotional pain in ways I never could before – but also making sure I’m not around to have to deal with it in the first place.
Psalms 91

Lots of love my friends!

Linda

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

One One Two Thousand Thirteen

I see that we are all still here. There was a lot of people predicting the end of the world in 2012. Heck, there were a lot of people who predicted that America was going to crash during Obama's first term. But with all false prophets - they just predict that calamities will strike later on, a new destruction date on the horizon.They never say what they should, "Sorry - my predictions, obviously were not of God - else they would have came true. I speak for the devil to instill fear into your life. I promise to keep my big fat mouth shut from now on." No. They never say that.

I have some goals for 2013. I think it is going to be a good year - come what may - because God is sovereign and in charge and everything works together for good in my life - even the bad stuff. I am still amazed at the things He is doing in my life. Even in one short year I have grown and am not the girl I was last year at this time. It was a pretty horrendous year in spots - I lost a lot of friends for standing up for what is right - but I gained some back. I would rather know who my enemies are - so I can pray for them and love them, even if I can no longer trust them.

Take care my friends!
Lots of Love
Linda