Now, I’ll admit – I really was in a bad mood that night. Not consciously. Not like I thought to myself at any time before the event happened, “Wow – I am in a bad mood.” Not like that. I was still in a - putting one foot in front of the other – get up – take a shower – put on make-up – go to work – deal with the fact that the electricity is out in half my house due to a faulty breaker – try not to be bitter and just get through the day – kind of way. Not that what happened last weekend alone is what devastated me; it was the culmination of a shitload of bad dates and disappointments. I was at the breaking point.
See – I perceive myself to be a relatively calm person for the most part. I remain calm, cool and collected amongst the extreme stress and chaos that goes on in my job, in my personal life, when up against people freaking out all around me. But the truth is – while I sleep – all that stress gets dealt with. I grind my teeth at night – BAD. If it wasn’t for the mouth guard that I sleep with at night that prevents my jaws from actually touching, my teeth would be worn down to stubs and I would have chronic headaches and muscle cramps in my jaw. I guess maybe I’m really not that calm after all.
So I went to the single’s group hoping that the Word of God would somehow soothe my achy soul and set my mind and heart at peace. Well, no such luck.
After some discussion and an opening prayer it was announced that we were all going to play a game.
Not just any game – but Battle of the Sexes!
So here I am – trying with all my heart not to cave in to stereo-typing the opposite sex by my bad experiences but now I’m required to play a game that is going to emphasize the stereo-type.
There was no way I was going to play that game.
There was no delicate way to get out of it either. How DO I always seem to get into these predicaments?
When I first began to protest under my breath – the guy sitting next to me with a big grin on his face said, “Now – be nice”. But niceness had nothing to do with it and I’ve never been one of those “go along to get along” kinds of people. I was a little too vulnerable about that particular subject at that moment to sit and play nice and hope my brokenness is not exposed. So I did the only thing I could do. I said, “I’m not going to play that game.”
I’d just committed the unforgivable sin.
The girl who was leading the meeting said, “But we need your input – your expertise” I wanted to laugh out loud. My expertise?! I have 100% fail rate on my relationships with men. One Hundred Percent FAIL. I can tell you now – I know nothing about men and what I do know – I am struggling hard not to believe. Oh no – no-one needs that kind of expertise right now.
I had to leave. I had to get out of there. I couldn’t stay with all the disappointed looks and guilt-tripping going on. I said, “I have to go.” One of the guys asked me where I was going and I said home.
Then I was outside and the hardest part was over. The blast of cold winter air hit me and helped to clear my head. I got in my van and drove home and it occurred to me that I never had to go back.
Maybe I need less of an emphasis on singles and the differences between the sexes and the “battle” as it were – and more on how there is neither male nor female but we are all ONE in Christ Jesus. (Gal 3:28) I really could use some “unity of the faith” right about now.
Lots of love