Tuesday, May 29, 2012
It is strange, but I am finally beginning to see why hope is so important. Hope is based on trust. Without trust – as in the kind of blind trust you must go through when you turn your life and your will over to the Father – without that – you have no real hope. Faith is a part of it as well, because Faith is trust. You are trusting that the Father is going to bring what you are hoping for to pass. You have faith that the Lord will bring it to pass. I understand the concept of trust more than I understand what faith is. Because the opposite of trust is betrayal and the opposite of faith is unbelief.
Ironically – and these things always trip me out when I come across them – one of the very first times hope is translated in the bible – it is in the context of hoping for a husband. (Ruth 1:12) A feeling I am well acquainted with – and have had my own struggles with unbelief and lack of trusting in the Father in this area.
I have recently been spending some time with another of my single girlfriends who is having relationship issues. I told her what my prayer was – that the Lord will bring me that good, godly husband, and protect my heart from anyone else. It reminds me of not looking for work when the Lord told me not to. Had I gotten a job out there in Oregon – I would have missed this great job here in Wyoming. I am feeling the same thing as far as dating goes. I believe the Lord is guarding my heart and showing me not to settle, but to let Him be in charge of my relationships. Whether it is His will for me to be single, then to help me be content with that, and if it is His will for me to be married – that He will bring that man to me and that I will be patient, and that He will protect my heart from all the rest.
Waiting in Hope.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
I have been wrestling with myself. I am the enemy. I am double-minded and unstable in all my ways. The spirit rules by day –but at night the flesh becomes a giant and overcomes me. I know why I am alone in my house. My house is my mind and I am manifesting all my old man habits once again. Jack has returned and brought friends. The Lord is showing me that this is where the battle will take place; the battle to rid the land of giants and stand as a victor in Christ – an overcomer.
But to be an overcomer – you must have something that needs to be overcome. I was recently reminded that it is the struggle of the butterfly as it emerges from the cocoon that helps it to be able to fly – and it is through much tribulation that we inherit the Kingdom of God. When we become Sons of God, then we know true suffering – because what I would not, that I do. The flesh is powerful – strong, it deceives and seduces and justifies itself. Every thought must be brought into obedience.
It starts by cleaning house. Wrapping up all the lusts and temptations and putting them in garbage bags and hauling them out to the trash. It is cleaning up all the viruses and naughty bookmarks and putting them in the recycle bin and then deleting the contents of the recycle bin. It starts by making a conscious decision to awake to righteousness and sin not. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I can overcome giants.
Please pray for me my friends.
Lots of love,
Monday, May 7, 2012
I’ve been renting a car on payday. There is an Enterprise Rent-a-car within walking distance from my house and for only $9.99 a day I can rent a car from Friday – Monday. It sounded like a really good solution to my lack of car dilemma until I realized I needed to pay an additional $21 per day if I wanted to be insured.
To finally drive a car after so many months of being driven around by others was a breath of fresh air. I could drive to the FireRock – best restaurant in town – and have some lunch. I could drive to Kohl’s and use my 20% off coupon and stop at a garage sale on the way. I could drive around the East side of town, where my aunt never goes, just to see what there is to see. But mostly, I could get out of the house, where the quiet was too loud and my loneliness was literally choking me.
This weekend – having a car was especially wonderful since I had an opportunity to meet some really amazing people outside of work and hang out with them. To my surprise I met someone who understands the spiritual journey I have been on to seek the Lord and His will for my life. Someone whose first reaction was grace and understanding instead of automatically thinking I was a nutcase. Being able to drive the rental made that possible.
Unfortunately, it also dawned on me this weekend that I could not afford to continue to rent a car every other weekend and still be able to save up for a car. With a sinking feeling, I began to understand that this was going to be my last weekend to rent a car for a while. It was becoming a need for me to have a car – for sanity purposes – and I was just going to have to knuckle down and save up for one.
That afternoon as us girls were sitting in my aunt’s livingroom, my cousins were trying to give their solutions. My one cousin said, “There is a really cute white car near my house that is for sale.” I said, “How much?” she said, “I don’t know but it is really cute.” My other cousin said, “Maybe you should just get a new car already” I answered, “I’m not going to buy a new car and make $250 to $550 a month payments.” My aunt then says, “you could lease?!” I sigh. Then later my aunt says again, “don’t forget to pray about God’s will for leasing..”
I finally said, “Look, thanks for all the ideas, but lots of times the Lord has brought vehicles to me for free, or at least for me to buy outright without monthly payments. I don’t think it is the Lord’s will for me to have a car right now, because if it IS His will for me to have a car – a car will present itself.” At that moment – that is what I truly believed, that if the Lord wanted me to have a car – then He would bring me a car – simple as that.
Strangely when I came home last night, I was really tired and did not feel so bad being home by myself. My social life was beginning to look up with my new friends and I had this peaceful feeling. God is in control and He is going to take care of all my needs. I turned on my computer to check my email before I was going to go to bed early.
The phone rang. It was a man’s voice. “This is Stephen” he said. It was my cousin Stephen who NEVER calls me. He lives here in town. “Hello Stephen,” I said. “What can I do for you?”
He said, “I would like to give you my little silver car.” I was shocked, “Well, let me give you some money for it.”
He said, “No, it needs new tags and a tune-up so you can use your money to get those things. But it is running and it’s a good little car, I’m just going to get a new car and would like to give you this one.” I thanked him and we talked a little more and then we hung up. He has a couple things he wants to do on it and then he will bring it to my house later on this week.
I guess it IS God’s will for me to have a car after all. Thank you Lord!
God is good my friends! Lots of love!
Friday, May 4, 2012
I have now had some time to dip my toe back into the world to see what is still a sin and what is not. And then there is the verse that states; Happy is the man who doesn’t condemn himself in the things he allows (Rom 14:22). Certain categories I am not really tempted in. I’m not tempted about money. All the things I have reacquired since being here, I would give up in a heartbeat if that was the will of the Father. I have lived in the wilderness, trusting the Father for my daily bread and my bills being paid. My aunt reminds me when I bring it up, that I have learned the lessons of the wilderness – but now the Lord wants me to learn other lessons.
When the children of Israel first came to the Promised Land – with the exception of Joshua and Caleb – they all cried and were terrified at the giants that occupied the land. It was so bad in fact and their fear was so infectious that they all had to wander around in the wilderness for an additional 40 years until all those fearful and those that stirred up fear in others died out. It took 40 years for the group as a whole to get to the place where they were ready to take on the giants.
The Lord is beginning to show me the giants I have in my land. I have tried to deny their existence even though there were flashes of them throughout my wilderness walk. Have you ever watched the movie Fight Club? If you’ve watched it more than once, you begin to see that there were flashes of Tyler Durton even at the very beginning – but you were a little caught off guard and not quite sure if you really saw something. The flashes of my giants were a little more pronounced than that, but I wrote it off as a one-time thing (that kept happening again and again of course.)
In the book of Revelation there is a place where the beast that rises out of the sea has power over the SAINTS and is able to overcome them. Paul had his thorn in the flesh (not his soul or his spirit but in his flesh.) Some say Paul’s thorn in the flesh was the fact that he was going blind, or the thorn in the flesh was people (as in the messengers of Satan), but I say, the scriptures don’t really nail that detail down completely so we don’t really know for sure what it was that Paul sought the Lord three times to be delivered from. I’m sure to Paul it was a giant.
But the interesting thing is – David did not beat the giant Goliath in his own strength. He beat Goliath because he was fighting in the name of the Lord and it was the Lord who delivered Goliath into David’s hand.
Then said David to the Philistine, Thou comest to me with a sword, and with a spear, and with a shield: but I come to thee in the name of the LORD of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom thou hast defied.The battle is the Lords. It is not ours. 2 Chronicles 20 is another good example. The Lord fights these battles and He and He alone is in charge of removing the giants out of the land. Our part is to seek the Lord in the fight and not to compromise. Sometimes that is the hardest part of all, because compromising with our personal giants because we think they are too big to be overcome seems like the only choice. They are too big for us, but not too big for God. Nothing is impossible with God.
This day will the LORD deliver thee into mine hand; and I will smite thee, and take thine head from thee; and I will give the carcases of the host of the Philistines this day unto the fowls of the air, and to the wild beasts of the earth; that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel.
And all this assembly shall know that the LORD saveth not with sword and spear: for the battle is the LORD'S, and he will give you into our hands. 1 Sam 17:45-47
Lots of love and giant-fighting