Thursday, March 28, 2013

The Wrestling Match

On the surface things are calmer but the battle continues still. The battle rages, within and without. Without I have told you about – the shoe police and losing my job even if the Lord opened a new one – the bitterness and unfairness was very hard on me to come to grips with. Within I wrestle with carnality and fleshly desires and I cling to them like a small child does with his security blanket. I tell the Lord I am angry with him for the script He has written of my life – of pain and disappointment and betrayals at the highest levels. I cry because I do not want to be the spiritual one – the one placed here to accomplish HIS will and not my own. I scream at Him because my current assignment is the hardest of all and I want to stomp my feet and say – I want this one for myself – I do not have the strength, the character, the ability to speak for you and be where you want me to be.

“My grace is sufficient for you – for my strength is made perfect in weakness.”

In the morning I am broken. In my brokenness I recognize what I knew all along. That every pain, hurt, betrayal, and suffering that I endure is for my perfecting. That the Lord wrote every word of my life for my maturing and for His amazing purposes of love and mercy and grace. He is not some hack writer but a brilliant author – and the story is not finished yet. It is the 2nd day. Martin Zender does a great radio teaching on the 2nd day. He uses the example of the movie “Field of Dreams.” The first day is the revelation to build the field and they will come. So he builds the field. On the second day – no one comes and it looks like it was all for nothing. The second day is long and hard and hopeless. But the third day – they come, and the revelation comes to pass.

All children of God have to wait for the manifestation of the prophecy concerning their life. Abraham was told he would have a son but he had to wait for 25 years before the son was manifested. Joseph had a dream that his family would bow down to him but it would be 13 hard years of trials and tribulations before the truth of that revelation came to pass. David was anointed King and it was many years of heartache and battles before he was to rule the land. No child of God is matured by any other way. The weakness has to come to the surface so that it can be cleansed and dealt with from the Father. I wish I would have obeyed from the start without the spiritual tantrum – but it is too late now. Yet, there is no way to be an overcomer without something to overcome. Where sin abounds, grace super-abounds.

“Be still and know that I am God”

It is time to be still. To sit quietly and wait on the Lord and know that everything He does – is for a reason and is perfect. To trust that what He has started in me He will finish. He has placed me here and put people in my life for His purposes and my job is to submit to His will. Please pray for me.

Lots of Love


Ma said...

Yet, there is no way to be an overcomer without something to overcome.

That's good. I've been having my own spiritual temper tantrum lately as well. I would think I would learn, but I guess there's more to learn.

I'm with you sister. We are loved, we just need to believe it:) With my recent bout of depression I thought of the heroes of faith. They didn't always have so much either, but God didn't give up and neither did they.

wendyworn said...

Thanks for commenting Ma. God is faithful and all our suffering will culminate in good some day. I just really really wish it didn't have to hurt SO MUCH!

lots of love!

Anonymous said...

wow, this came at just the right time for me. As I was reading other blogs, no interest and then thought of you. Decided to check in and see how you are dong. I had been sitting outside in the sun, wanting to cry yet trying to be strong, for my kids sake. As my eyes were closed I looked up and let the sun warm me and I heard BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD. Bulls eye. Thank you for being faithful enough to blog. Keep the faith dear sister.

wendyworn said...

Thanks Anonymous

The Lord is in charge and there is not any part of our life that He is not in complete control of. He is the blacksmith that blows on the coals and purifies us. Tempered glass is made by heating it up far hotter than ever and then letting it cool down then heating it up again. In the end that glass is shatterproof. I am tempered glass - or at least I will be when He is done with me. Thank God for the trials for it brings about the peaceable fruits of righteousness. Take care

Collision of Souls said...

"The weakness has to come to the surface so that it can be cleansed and dealt with from the Father. I wish I would have obeyed from the start without the spiritual tantrum – but it is too late now."

God, I love this. I wanted you to write "I wish I COULD have obeyed", but the truth is you couldn't because there was stuff down inside you that had to be revealed IN you, and we can never do anything until Christ does it in us. I'm finding Christ, at times, ransacking my inner world because he's building something grand of me. I would settle for a little cabin, but he wants a palace. I forgot about you and your expression. I remember you commenting on one of my posts a long time ago, and then I saw your comments posted somewhere and there you were again. It's a good thing Father doesn't forget about us, though there are days there is no sensation of His presence. What an adventure and journey this is through the soul we've been subjected to. Thank you for your words.

wendyworn said...

thank you for saying that collision, you do not know how much these words mean to me. It is so right that it is Christ doing things in us and try as we might - no amount of us trying to mature ourselves is going to cut it.