Monday, March 9, 2015
The Lord has been showing me many things and every time I want to write a blog post about it - I feel very strongly not to. The things I am going through are for me and the people in my life and just not for the general public. I went on my 40th job interview recently and got my 40th rejection letter. 40, as you know, is a very significant number in scripture. It signifies a time of trial and testing and also judgement. Let me tell you, try going on 40 job interviews in two years and not get a single job offer. It is definitely trials and tribulations, especially if money is so tight. But, as is His mercy and grace, somehow we made it through each month, with all our needs met - and financially, it could not be worked out on paper.
I fully understand the verse now that talks about the difference between a single woman and a married one. The single woman is free to be fully submitted to the leading of the Holy Spirit, where a married woman has to be concerned with the WORLD - how she may please her husband. This is nothing against my husband, who is the promised husband. He is a really good husband, who takes care of my heart and is protective and my very best friend. He loves me very deeply, more deeply than anyone has ever loved me in my whole life, and I love him deeply. I am fully submitted to him and his decisions are very good, but I definitely do not feel the freedom to walk by the spirit like I did before. Yet there are reasons for this because the Lord continues to purge me and teach me and perfect me. The 40 signifies that the walk continues, the journey is the same, just time for new lessons that cannot be learned as a single woman. A new phase, with deeper understanding.
My husband wanted me to get a job. My family as well. So I applied to all sorts of jobs. Really good jobs, crappy part time jobs. I even applied at Game Stop because of my vast knowledge of video games. The woman who interviewed me told me that she had never played a video game before she got her job as she proceeded to tell me that I was overqualified to work there. Hello, I am more qualified to work there than you lady! Whatever. I went on a 3 hour interview for a library and made the horrible mistake of saying that if I didn't know how to do something I could Google it, and I don't know what we did before we had Google. The woman looked at me in horror. Oh yeah, that's right. Before Google people went to the library and looked stuff up. Towards the end, I had extremely good interviews. The kind where the people interviewing me made a point of telling me, well done, and that it was a great interview. But, still I wouldn't get the job. Lots of people would give me unsolicited advice. Where I should apply, what websites to go to. I'd be like, Hello! I've had 40 job interviews, you don't think I'm looking for work?! Yet at the end of the day, no doors were opened, no job offers. I know why that is. God does not want me to work in the secular realm.
One of the big lessons I learned while in Casper, was the cut-throat, wicked ways of the world. Both in the workplace and in the church. My aunt would ask me if I wanted to go to a worship service with music at the local church. So I would go with her. People would be standing up with their arms raised and their palms facing the music with tears streaming down their faces like this was so from God. I would think to myself, this is a rock concert. Shouldn't we be holding up our lighters and screaming WhooHoo! The message in the services had no depth. Outwardly it looked like it belonged to God, but basically it was just like the world. Empty shows with no real truth.
My job there, was, as Les Visible likes to say, for the purpose of demonstration. A clear picture of the evil in high places. A microcosm that represents the ways of the world that I could see up close and personal. Unethical behavior, lies, deceit, cowardice, manipulation, back room deals, and targeted attacks. The lies and deception of the world has saturated every strata of society, even down to the local level. Our very own country is on the verge of becoming the new Hitler's Germany.
But, I am not to be one who concentrates on the world. I am not one who's heart is failing them for fear of the things coming on the earth. My job is to seek the Lord with my whole body, mind, and soul. The people who are locked into the manufactured reality of the world do not understand the calling of God and walking by the spirit of God. It is foolishness to them. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks about it. I will continue to seek the Lord, through trials, tribulations, and purging.
Hope you all are well.
Love in Christ.