Wednesday, February 29, 2012
I walk to work through snow covered streets and icy air. Most days, I love the walk. I get to see the sun rise and enjoy the fact that I live so close to work. Today I understand why I do not yet have a car. I’m a flight risk. The Lord knows this about me, but this is the first time I knew, since I’ve been here. Yesterday may well have been the worst day yet at my job. A situation happened that was unexpected. The situation alone would never be enough to make me cry, but it along with all the other stress and craziness in my day, and I was in tears.
The girl who was once my adversary, who the Lord by his Mercy had softened towards me, understood why I was crying. She is now my friend, and maybe the only person in the entire hospital who knows the kind of stress we are under in our positions. So much of my day – I can’t write about, because it is a confidentiality situation. I could get fired if they found out this was my blog. Other stuff is personal, but I already said that.
There is something addictive about walking by the Spirit. To drive up and down the coast where the Spirit of God takes you and puts you in just the right spot to rescue a hitchhiker, or feed a homeless guy. To eat manna and be led by a cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. But inevitably the day comes, when the manna stops.
The Lord has placed me here. That I know. I am here for a reason, even if it is not readily apparent what that reason is. I remember when I was staying in my parent’s basement, for 10 months and I didn’t know why nothing was happening. Now I know that I had to wait until the perfect time to move here, to get this job, and it couldn’t have been any earlier than it was. The perfect convergence of job, house, and the needs of my aunt and cousins. Maybe before, Casper wasn’t ready for me – or I wasn’t ready for it.
Just so you know, I am not always miserable. I really like it here. I like my job for the most part. I have friends here, people who love me. I have adversaries as well, and some of them even love me and just don’t understand where I get my strange ideas. I have days when I lose hope and know that it is God’s will that I do not have a boyfriend/husband at this time. Other days, I understand that I need to appreciate my alone times because there may be a day in the future, that I will wish I was still in this time. I have to remember that this time, is just a season, and it is what it is. Winter will be over soon and the long days and sunshine will be here. So I thank God for the dry times, as I thank Him for the inspiring times. I think about Elijah and how there were years of his life that we don’t read about. We know about years of David’s life, but he wrote psalm after psalm of times he felt the Lord was far away and that he was always going to be crying on his couch. There is a time for everything. I am where I am supposed to be.
Lots of love,