Tuesday, February 7, 2012
If Solomon had an X-Box
I've been thinking a lot about Solomon. The guy was clearly a sex addict. You can't have 700 wives and 300 concubines and not be getting it more than once a day. Physically it would seem impossible. If you think of all those women harping at him day and night, well, it's no surprise he gave in to them in the end. Why do you suppose he loved all those women? I mean, come on! 1000! I think the man was just trying to distract himself from knowing the truth. That ALL is vanity.
It's 3am and it is my birthday. Today I turn 46. I have not been posting on this blog very much lately, because frankly, I don't have anything profound to write about. I think you should read the latest post from Jacob Israel over at Jacob's ladder:
We will Overcome
That guy has a lot of insight and it is really a great post, but he describes why I have not been posting to a tee. There has been no inspiration for me to write. I have been wrestling with my own experiences and most of what the Lord may be accomplishing in my life is very personal and not something I want to post about and open myself up to criticisms and comments from perfect strangers.
I have had some serious mental and physical trials. Mammogram. 2nd Mammogram. Ultrasound. Ultrasound guided biopsy. Surgical consult. Turns out I do not have cancer, but I do have atypical hyperplasia which is just a technical term for an unusual growth in my breast and women who have this kind of thing are 4 to 5 times more likely to develop breast cancer. The weird thing was - I did not feel any relief when I heard the news, because I wasn't afraid. A part of me would have welcomed death and I'm sorry that bothers people for me to say that. I want out already. Because whether I live or whether I die, it is up to the Lord and He is in control. There is not even any point to asking why anymore. It is what it is and the Lord will accomplish His will.
7 months ago I was trying to decide which of my favorite clothes I needed to get rid of so that I could pack all of my possessions into one suitcase. Today, the clothes I have in my closet would put those old ratty sweaters to shame. I have an amazing wardrobe and beautiful shiny shoes because that is the kind of clothes that are required for my job. I have an extremely powerful and prestigious position at work. I work almost 10 hours a day and come home to an empty house. My cousin, who works at the same place and is also a strong Christian, teases me and says with her arms stretched out, "what?! You are living the dream!" Yeah, living the dream in Babylon. Yet, without a doubt, this is where the Lord has placed me.
I wondered why the Lord would have me go back to work in the secular realm and what is more, give me such an amazing job. He is beginning to show me that I will be here for a while - possibly as long as ten years or maybe even retire here. I do believe that He wants me to actually go back to school and get my bachelor's degree and possibly even my master’s degree because my job will pay for my education. But I would not be ready to start school this fall, possibly the year after. Maybe it is because I truly know that work and prestige and money and clothes - all mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. Spiritually, it is all vanity and emptiness.
So I was very confused on why the Lord would have me go on an amazing journey out into the wilderness just to have me seemingly go back to the life I left. The point is - the wilderness is not a destination. Just as Jesus did not stay on the cross. It is part of the process - but it not the end of the matter. The Lord has placed me in a place where I witness greed, hypocrisy and spiritual wickedness in high places, on a daily basis. Jesus said that it was almost impossible for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God, and the Lord is beginning to show me that rich men need prayer and the Lord far more than your homeless man on the street, who knows he needs God. I am in a position to pray for those in power - those that cannot see their need for a savior. Those that cannot see that their greed and their riches and their prestige and stays at the Ritz-Carlton are all meaningless. All is vanity.
I guess there is a part of me, that just wants to play my game, and not think about anything, and even that is part of the process, because it makes the waiting more tolerable. I think that if Solomon had had an X-box, he might not have had so many wives. He would have been able to distract himself from the fact that nothing in this world matters. That all is vanity and then you die.
probably shouldn't post this - please try to understand that I'm just being honest and I really don't want a pep talk. I'm sure I'll understand more on why I am here later, but for now, living the dream in Babylon is far from being easy.
take care out there -