Sunday, October 28, 2012

The accuser

It's been an incredibly difficult couple of weeks. I have been accused of several things at my job that just aren't true, like making too many personal phone calls and other non-provable lies. Luckily my one boss that really loves me and appreciates me knows they are all lies. I've had a series of attacks happen, not only in the personal realm, but it seems like attacks are coming from every side. I had a problem with the ATM at work, it wouldn't give me any money but then it took the money out of my account so I had to call the bank and fill out a bunch of paperwork for them to investigate. Friday was the culmination of two weeks worth of ever increasing shit and I told the girl that I share an office with that I felt I was on the verge of a nervous break-down since I didn't believe I could continue to remain calm in the midst of all I had to deal with.

I went into the bathroom to re-group and pray. Lord, really? Is it just going to keep getting worse and worse? When will I reap the good things if I faint not, because I really want to faint. But I don't faint. I keep going. I trust. I trust the Lord is going to really deliver on the promises He has promised me.

I'm walking home and on the way home I find this little charm. It just says Believe. I guess that bottom line - trust is believing that what the Lord has promised - He is able to deliver. Sometimes I just say, "Lord, thy will be done." and call it good.

I am so lonely and tired. I'm tired of always being accused and tired of always being alone. I have some people who read this blog because they love me and some people who read this blog are just looking for something in order to accuse me and condemn me. Oh yeah - you know who you are. Do you really think your accusations of me are from the Lord? Maybe you should do a check-up from the neck up.

Yet, my job is giving me the perfect opportunity to face my accusers. To know that what they are accusing me of is false. I have had to stand up for what the Lord has shown me and stand up for what I know is right and have had to lose many friends and relatives along the way. And I'd do it all again if I had to. I would rather do what the Lord wants and have everyone in this world hate me than to compromise one principle or one truth.

Tomorrow is Monday. The start of another week and frankly, I really wish I did not have to go and deal with more accusations and more stress. But this is where the Lord has placed me to learn the lessons He wants me to learn and to wait for the promises He has made for me. He will give me the strength to face the day.

Lots of Love



Ma said...

I love the charm- I had a sign after a bathroom regroup and pray (and cry), too.

Belief is a hard thing, it makes no sense to anyone else.

I hope you have a bright Monday.

wendyworn said...

Thanks Ma. Your comments are always very encouraging

Don said...

Regarding the loneliness issue, you have a growing community here. Perhaps it is time to reach out and dial some of them up? Maybe they're lonely too?