Monday, April 12, 2010
So I met a sister in Christ yesterday who asked me to tell her about my walk with the Lord. I decided to post the email I sent her with my testimony, for those of you who may not have read it before - to sort of bring you all up to speed on my life.
I have been born again for about 16 years but I was originally in a spiritually abusive cult called The Way International. I know the Lord led me to that ministry because amoung some other godly practices, they are one of the few ministies in the country that operate the speaking gifts, (speaking in tongues, interpretation of tongues and prophecy) according to the word, where it says that speaking in tongues should be done by two or three and that it should be interpreted, and if it is not interpreted than the speaking in tongues should be silent (as in not spoken aloud) but that prophecy could be done by all. Everyone in that ministry was able to speak in tongues, interpret or prophecy according to the "spirits of the prophets are subject to the prophets" Everything was done decently and in order as far as that goes. But they were very controlling and every decision had to go through the leadership and then the head guy ended up being sued because he had sex with someone elses wife that he was supposed to be counseling, the Lord led me out of that ministry.
Because I left that ministry, I was "marked and avoid" and so in one day, I lost my church ministry and all my friends and everything I knew for the last seven years up to that point. The Lord never left me, but I was very discouraged and backslid into the world again. Even then the Lord didnt leave me, just let me throw my tantrums like a little kid and do things my way. I moved to California and tried to fit in, but I didnt because even though I met alot of really nice people, they weren't christians, and I was different. I could not go back to the world.
Then I got pnuemonia and I almost died. I was in the hospital just asking the Lord to let me die, that my life had basically sucked up until that point. But I didnt die. I got better. I moved back to Oregon, where my family is. Got a good job, had a nice apartment and a cute, deaf boyfriend who loved me. We drank beer together and smoked cigarettes, played video games non-stop, had sex and studied the bible.
But then the Lord began to convict me of my lifestyle, showing me the grave sin in my life and basically showing me that I would be listed with the transgressors if I did not repent. I started repenting and starting asking the Lord to show me what the truth was, and weed out the false doctrines in my life. The Lord led me to David Eells and Joseph Herrin and other spirit-filled men's websites. I quit drinking and when I tried to quit smoking I found that I couldn't. I contacted David Eells ministry and talked to one of their elders and they cast several demons out of me, a spirit of rage, a spirit of condemnation and a spirit of addiction and a couple others. The Lord showed me that some of those spirits had been in me since I was a child, but that he knew I would backslide. He wanted me to be completely delivered when I was mature enough to appreciate it and stay out of sin.
Then the Lord started putting it on my heart to get rid of all my possessions, quit my job and go out on the road to really trust in Him for all my needs. He had me break up with my boyfriend which was really hard because I never had to break up with someone I was still in love with. (But he is still my friend and we stopped having sex before I broke up because he agreed that we needed to stop fornicating. The Lord is working in his life as well.)
My sister (who I had witnessed to) and I water baptized each other in the local river. Then I asked for several confirmations from the Lord that I was really supposed to go on the road and quit my job. I got several confirmations and I was even given a van that I fixed up and could sleep in if needed. So I quit my job and started out trusting in the Lord. I drove up and down the coast of Oregon for several months, but then I got sick because I had stopped taking my thyroid medicine and swelled up like a balloon. (but there was a profound spiritual lesson in that so I am very thankful to the Lord ) I am better now, but I am also taking my thyroid medicine.
The first real test of my faith came when one thing that I had thought was going to happen didnt. I began to ask the Lord, did I misunderstand you? did you really want me to go out on this spiritual wilderness journey or was that just my imagination. That day that I was praying and asking that, a friend took me to the docks in Astoria that I had never been to and I'm standing on the dock looking out onto the ocean asking the Lord if what I am doing is His will and a boat goes past with the name "God's Will" My jaw about hit the floor. So I told my friend that we needed to go buy a disposable camera because I needed to take a picture of that boat. When we got back the boat was docked so I took a picture and I turned and the boat next to it was named "Sojourn" That was a major confirmation that this wilderness journey is the Lord's will for me. I have looked back on that amazing day many times since them, just to remind myself that it was the Lord's will that I am doing this.
So in December I came inland to my parents house for what was just going to be a weekend. But my dad wanted me to stay here rather than camp outside during the winter. So I originally thought that I would stay until my birthday which was Feb 7. But then I filled out my taxes, so I thought that I would stay until I got my taxes check, then my van broke down and some other things happend (nothing so bad and I know that the Lord is taking care of all my needs) but I started to get antsy about still being at my parents house after all this time. I have since got my taxes and bought a new van, but I have not had a release to leave my parents house. Always before I would stay the weekend and then the Lord would direct me to head out in a certain direction or go somewhere I had never been. But the Lord has been silent on where I'm to go next.
I started looking for a job again, even though I did not feel like it was the Lord's will for me to work a secular job again at this time, but there was alot of pressure that I should be looking for work if I am still staying at my parents. So here I am April 11th, with no further instructions except the fact that the children of Isreal, when the cloud went down, sometimes it was for two days, or a month or a year. I know that it is the Lord's will for me to be here, but yet, it is very hard for me to be here at my parents house, even though they are very hospitable.
As for church, I checked out a local pentecostal church and I even went there this morning, but I do not feel peaceful about that church anymore and don't feel like I want to go back. I listen to alot of sermons online but miss having fellowship. I liked a couple people that went to this pentecostal church, but I am concerned about everyone speaking in tongues with out interpretation because witchcraft spirits also speak in other tongues and put curses on people and I have seen some of the things that have happened at the Todd Bentley revivals. There was a man preaching today that is one of their traveling preachers, today was the first time he preached, but I had a check in my spirit about him and when he called everyone down, I didnt want to go, and I felt very strongly that I didnt want this man to touch me. I had not felt that way before going to that church, that is why now, I dont want to go back. Maybe there is something wrong with me, but I dont know. I would rather err on the side of caution.
I had asked this woman to pray for me to see if there was a word from the Lord. She said the only word from the Lord she got was "patience" !! Isnt the Lord amazing!! Thank you Heavenly Father for your grace and mercy, for my deliverance and for this strange and wonderful journey you have me on. THY WILL BE DONE!!!