Thy tongue deviseth mischiefs; like a sharp razor, working deceitfully. Thou lovest evil more than good; and lying rather than to speak righteousness. Selah. Thou lovest all devouring words, O thou deceitful tongue. Psalms 52:2-4There is a law of reaping and sowing in effect. What we sow we SHALL reap, no matter what. Maybe if we discover it, the Lord may have mercy on us and not make us reap what we sow, but that is the exception to the rule.
Who whet their tongue like a sword, and bend their bows to shoot their arrows, even bitter words: That they may shoot in secret at the perfect: suddenly do they shoot at him, and fear not.
They encourage themselves in an evil matter: they commune of laying snares privily; they say, Who shall see them? They search out iniquities; they accomplish a diligent search: both the inward thought of every one of them, and the heart, is deep.
But God shall shoot at them with an arrow; suddenly shall they be wounded. So they shall make their own tongue to fall upon themselves: all that see them shall flee away. And all men shall fear, and shall declare the work of God; for they shall wisely consider of his doing. Psalms 64: 3 -9
Last year when I found myself in the middle of no where with NO money and NO gas I met a man who was kind to me. He didn’t have any money to give me, but he had a food stamp card and bought me some food. He found me a place to park my van, where I could sleep for the night. He liked me and tried to hold my hand. I was extremely focused on the Lord at that time so I told this man that I could not be in a relationship. We shared meals together. He found me some work and we worked together. We had a disagreement about an NA meeting, but then later after that, when I was crying he tried to kiss me.
I then proceeded to tear this man down and tarnish his reputation in order to justify my position as the heroine of the story and for dramatic effect. It wasn’t hard. He was a felon, so I magnified that point. It doesn’t matter that I actually believed my position on the matter, I was convinced that I was in the right and found a verse that justified my position by further making this man out to be the bad guy. I’m sure you know by now that I am talking about Johnny.
This man was in prison because he got drunk and did something reckless and stupid for which he paid for it by sitting in jail for six long years. He didn’t grow up in church and doesn’t know anything about the Lord, so he just did the best he could to do the right thing. He kept calling me and wanting me to come back down to Ontario to see him. But I resisted because I believed all the horrible things I had said about him. I believed he was an enemy trying to get me off the straight and narrow. I believed it because I was so legalistic that I believed that anything I really loved was somehow a sin and therefore had to be resisted at all costs.
Johnny got drunk and did something reckless. Maybe some of you that read this blog all the time, know that I myself got drunk a couple months ago. I posted as much on this blog. What most of you do NOT know is that when I got drunk, I called Johnny. Of course, I don’t know what I said to him, but he definitely made a renewed effort to contact me after that. I think he would be horrified and definitely would not want to be with me if he knew all the awful things I have posted about him on this blog.
God is not without a sense of irony. For God Himself opened my eyes to the truth. That God was the one that introduced me to Johnny, and it was God who kept that door open all this whole year so that when I began to see that not everything I loved was a sin, that Johnny was still there. But now, of course, everyone hates Johnny. My family, you all, etc. And why do you hate him? Because I made you hate him. Now that Johnny and I are getting together in a really good way – in a God sanctioned way – what I have sewn has come back to haunt me, to bite me in the ass. Oh people, understand – Johnny is NOT the bad guy.
So this is my public apology for all the bad things I said about Johnny. None of it was true. Well, it was true, we did have a little fight and he did try to hold my hand and kiss me – but I twisted those things to make them seem ominous and evil when they were really innocent. I can’t undo it, but I did delete those posts from last year and I am posting this apology so that you can know the truth.
Be careful my friends. Watch every idle word you may speak against someone, they could all come back on you. Speak grace and not condemnation, because you never know if you have to eat those same words later on.
I’m not so sure I want to keep blogging. So much of what I have posted in the past is legalism and a great way to elevate myself. I don’t believe that way anymore and I truly regret tarnishing Johnny’s reputation the way I did. I can’t take it back, I can just try now to make it right. Richard, understand that if you are going to beat me up with your comments – I’m not going to post them.
I hope you can forgive me.