I am crazy busy these days. I have not had a chance to blog. There is alot going on that I can't post because it is very personal and may hurt other people. I don't want to hurt anyone. I am sorry if I hurt you. The reason for this blog is that there may be other brethren out there on the afflicted narrow way, that may be able to relate to some of the things that I am going through. If it was the Lord's will for me to stop blogging here, I would immediately end this blog. For now it is the Lord's will for me to post everyday if I can.
The Lord is very pro-active in my life. He understands my weaknesses of the flesh and my tendency to ruin everything I touch. I wanted to host a teaching weekend for Joseph Herrin, but the Lord decided to have me several states away during that time frame.
I wanted to try to make it to Joseph's teaching weekend in Spokane which is six hours away. I had just enough money to go if I borrowed my dad's van (it gets better gas mileage than my one-ton van.) I laid it before the Lord saying, if it is your will for me to go to Spokane, let me have enough money and time to be able to go.
Immediately, the heater core went out in my van. (but by a miracle my son was in the van, noticed the anti-freeze leaking into the passenger side, was able by trial and error [and nickel and dime] to fix it. Then the power cable went out on my computer so I had to spend $80 to get a new one. That coupled with some other things that came up and I was left with $2. Notice that the Lord covered every need within that situation, yet still letting me know that it was not His will that I go to Spokane.
When I sought the Lord about why I couldn't go, He simply told me that I am still too self-willed. I am not strong enough at obeying to be able to hang out with the other remnant believers. I'm also way too vulnerable right now towards the opposite sex and the Lord knows that and is saving me from possibly grabbing Jospeh Herrin's ankle and begging him to take me with. Or some other boy believer that I happened to meet there, I'm not that picky.
I'm a runner.
I don't mean I jog. I mean, I get out of Dodge. I have moved 8 times in the last 12 years. The idea of going on the road for the Lord, living free with the open road was a dream come true. When it comes to obeying, we have to obey in everything without complaining, not just the fun stuff.
I have spent my entire life avoiding family situations, avoiding holidays and get togethers, avoiding my parents. My parents are devout Catholics and there are 3 pictures of Mary in the room I'm sleeping in and a Big Ol' crucifix as you come up the stairs in the entry way. Yet, the Lord led me here seven months ago and told me that until further notice, I was to stay here. I thought it was to learn about the governmental authority of living and submitting to my father's authority. It wasn't until just now as I am literally typing this, that the reason I have been so distracted by the men around me lately, is subconsciously I was thinking that I could escape this place if I was to marry myself off. The depth of my rebellion is vast. Being an overcomer means going where the Lord wills and being content with it.
Thank you Lord for showing me my rebellion, my weaknesses, and yet being so very tender with me. I love you so much. Thank you for being with me every step of the way on this straight and narrow course. In the name of your son, Jesus Christ. Amen.