Wednesday, July 21, 2010

My life as a quilt - Part 4 - without carefulness

I made this today, quilting has been very theraputic for me while I am going through hard times. There are a lot of things going on in my life right now. Most of my battles are all in my head and I fight against my own emotions and imaginations.

I got a crush on an unbeliever right before I left on my vacation and I truly believe the Lord had me away to save me from myself once again. I fought it really hard, wondering how I could keep thinking about this person. That was where the carefulness was coming from. Strange how carefulness is mentioned in these verses:
But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please [his] wife.

There is difference [also] between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please [her] husband. And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction. 1 Cor 7:32-35
I thought alot about this verse, knowing full well I do not want to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever, and really do want to attend upon the Lord without distraction. I sought the Lord in my anquish of heart and he showed me that the crush was not even really about this person, but the idea of this person and what was being offered, the idea of being married and wanting to send this person a post card or buy little treats and the whole idea of romance, like having someone who will take me away from all this. The Lord showed me that I had an image of this person in my head, and it was actually a form of idolatry.

Maybe you are reading this and think I am a nutcase, and there is nothing wrong with having a little crush. Well, I want my thoughts to be pure, and pleasing to the Lord. I want there to be no sin in my thoughtlife. Sin begins in the mind. This crush was an attack from the enemy. The fact that I could not easily shake it off, like I have other mental attacks, showed a hole where the enemy can get to me, a weakness, a chink in my armor so to speak.

My son is here and we spent the day doing boy things like going to the local u-pull-it place and got a side mirror for my van and window roller-upper (my son tells me it is a crank.) He also fixed my stereo in the van that has never worked since I owned it. I am sure going to miss him.

No comments: