Saturday, April 9, 2011

Blue Sky Temptations

I understand now why the Lord keeps me in Oregon despite my vitamin D deficiency. Yesterday was beautiful blue skies for the first time in months. It was warm and lovely and I stood in the sunshine with my arms outstretched trying to soak up the rays to hold unto for another rainy day.

I felt overwhelmingly sad. I am sure it is an attack from the adversary. I am lonely for someone to go walk in the park with, play frisbee, study the word on a picnic table. Enjoy the sunshine with. Talk to face to face and not through emails and comments. Oh I have some family and even some friends here, but they just don't love the Lord the way I do. I think they would prefer I love the Lord less. Or at least stop talking about it already.

I remind the Lord that He said that it was not good that the man was alone. I tell the Lord that if it is His will that I have a husband, I know HE will bring me one. Sometimes I think, maybe I will always be alone. Part of me says, that is fine. Part of me understands I have a good 40 or some odd years or so in me. That is a very long time to be alone.

My boss thinks I am just hormonal. Maybe. Maybe it is because it is spring.

My parents ask me to go uptown and get them a movie from the Red Box. They want to see Secretariat. The movie is out so I go to call them and see if they want me to go to the next town's Red Box. I realize I have a voice mail so I listen to it. I am standing in the produce section of the grocery store with tears streaming down my face.

"This is John. I was just thinking about you - thought I would check in, you know from Ontario? Anyway, call me."

Wow Johnny. Did satan tell you I was vulnerable at this moment? Why would you call me now? Yeah, me and Johnny really did click. Because I always did like bad boys. I have not talked to him since I left Ontario after that last time. So it has been seven months since I have seen or talked to him. We knew each other - what? 4 days? I guess spring is getting to Johnny as well.

Some days it is hard to be the good girl. Hard to be the one who has to say it like it is without watering down the truth. Hard to spend another day in his carnal evil world.

Thank the Lord there is a future for us. This world is not my home. I don't belong here and I don't WANT to belong here. Sometimes, for comfort, I can think about the future. I wonder what the white stone will be like? I wonder what my new name will be? I can't wait for my new body which will be beautiful and not fat. And I really can't wait to be able to see my Heavenly Father with my own eyes and know that all the trials and temptations and tribulations will be worth it. I can't wait for that day.

Is anyone else having a touch of spring fever? I love you all. Blessings in Christ.


Anonymous said...

I too have a touch of spring fever, all year long sometimes ha ha. Linda I would walk in the park with you and read the bible, pray and have over for lunch. But for now we share our lives through your blog. Sometimes that is all we have, but we do have that. Sticking by you girlfriend. Mary in CO

wendyworn said...

You are a wonderful friend Mary! Thank you for commenting! Yes, i would love to maybe have your mango fruit salad?! Haha!

Blessings in Christ

Anonymous said...

Linda, I am feeling the same way today. It will all be okay. :)
Blessed are those who weep now. For they will be comforted.

Want to introduce myself to you as well. My name is Josh, I live in Tulsa Oklahoma. I would love someone to take a walk with me and read the Word with me as well. blogging, telephone, and emails are a bit depressing huh? HAHA

You definitely have empathy, let's rebuke these thoughts together!

In Yeshua with love,

Anonymous said...

Linda I love ya, I hope this helps you out. Gave me hope. Be encouraged in the LORD! :)

“The hour has come for the Son of Man
to be glorified. I tell you the truth,
unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground
and dies, it remains a single seed.
But if it dies, it produces many seeds.
The man who loves his life will lose it,
while the man who hates his life in this world
will keep it for eternal life.
Whoever serves Me must follow Me;
and where I am, My servant also will be.”
John 12:23-26

In Yeshua with love,

wendyworn said...

Thank you so much Joshua for the verses and the care and comments! It does help!

Blessings in Christ