I understand now why the Lord keeps me in Oregon despite my vitamin D deficiency. Yesterday was beautiful blue skies for the first time in months. It was warm and lovely and I stood in the sunshine with my arms outstretched trying to soak up the rays to hold unto for another rainy day.
I felt overwhelmingly sad. I am sure it is an attack from the adversary. I am lonely for someone to go walk in the park with, play frisbee, study the word on a picnic table. Enjoy the sunshine with. Talk to face to face and not through emails and comments. Oh I have some family and even some friends here, but they just don't love the Lord the way I do. I think they would prefer I love the Lord less. Or at least stop talking about it already.
I remind the Lord that He said that it was not good that the man was alone. I tell the Lord that if it is His will that I have a husband, I know HE will bring me one. Sometimes I think, maybe I will always be alone. Part of me says, that is fine. Part of me understands I have a good 40 or some odd years or so in me. That is a very long time to be alone.
My boss thinks I am just hormonal. Maybe. Maybe it is because it is spring.
My parents ask me to go uptown and get them a movie from the Red Box. They want to see Secretariat. The movie is out so I go to call them and see if they want me to go to the next town's Red Box. I realize I have a voice mail so I listen to it. I am standing in the produce section of the grocery store with tears streaming down my face.
"This is John. I was just thinking about you - thought I would check in, you know from Ontario? Anyway, call me."
Wow Johnny. Did satan tell you I was vulnerable at this moment? Why would you call me now? Yeah, me and Johnny really did click. Because I always did like bad boys. I have not talked to him since I left Ontario after that last time. So it has been seven months since I have seen or talked to him. We knew each other - what? 4 days? I guess spring is getting to Johnny as well.
Some days it is hard to be the good girl. Hard to be the one who has to say it like it is without watering down the truth. Hard to spend another day in his carnal evil world.
Thank the Lord there is a future for us. This world is not my home. I don't belong here and I don't WANT to belong here. Sometimes, for comfort, I can think about the future. I wonder what the white stone will be like? I wonder what my new name will be? I can't wait for my new body which will be beautiful and not fat. And I really can't wait to be able to see my Heavenly Father with my own eyes and know that all the trials and temptations and tribulations will be worth it. I can't wait for that day.
Is anyone else having a touch of spring fever? I love you all. Blessings in Christ.