Friday, April 15, 2011

Return of the Old Man

Several years ago I had a dream. I was in a house with a bunch of other people and they were trying to kill themselves. It wasn't scary or anything I was trying to kill myself too and no one was successful. I saw a door going outside and I decided to escape that house. I was running outside over fields of green grass and the sky was blue and there was a pleasant breeze and it felt so good to just run and run. I was alone out there but then I caught a glimpse of something out of the corner of my eye. I stopped and turned around to see what it was. A man was running after me. He was wearing a white robe and had jeans on underneath his robe and messy black hair. I realized it was Jack Nicholson from the movie The Shining. He grabbed me and threw me down to the ground and then I woke up.

At the time, I believed the house represented those who were trying to live the crucified life. Now I believe that the house and people inside are legalism. If you are trying to crucify yourself, you are doing an impossible task. When I had the dream I was still very legalistic. Leaving the house meant leaving behind my legalism of the past and enjoying my new found liberty and freedom in Christ. But the man running after me, I knew then as I do now, is that old man nature coming out of nowhere to take me down at any time.
"Who hath woe? who hath sorrow?"
So as I was making my daily rounds I notice a door that has been closed, for a long time. I said to the Father, "Lord, I noticed the door today." The Father said, "Do not go near that door. Everytime you have opened it, bad things happen." I said, Yes Lord, you are right. But every day I walked past the door, I felt a little more relaxed. I began to feel comfortable walking by the door. Like, no big.
"who hath contentions? who hath babbling?"
One day, as I am sauntering past the door, I hear a noise coming from inside. What is that sound, I say to myself. Is that a typewriter? Who uses typewriters anymore?! Of course I have to open the door, we can't have undetermined noises about can we?

The door opens to a huge ornate ballroom. In the very back, looking small, is a desk with a typewriter on it and stacks of paper. And who is furiously typing away but my Old Man Nature: Jack.

"I thought you were dead." I said to him.

"Nope. Right here." He replys

"Well...what are you doing?" I say.

"Oh, you know...stuff." He says nonchalantly. He continues to type.

I pick up one of the pieces of paper and read it aloud. "The road to sin - or coming back from the dead by Jack Daniels." I stop reading and look at him. "I thought you were suppossed to be Jack Nicholson!"

He grins and in his best Jack Nicholson voice says, "Oh you know A Jack is a Jack."

I left the room and went straight to the Lord. "Father. I opened the door and I can't get the door to shut again. I think I have a crush on Jack." The Lord said, "Shut the door and walk away. This is the flesh and satan trying to entice you. Here is my word, I have made a way out for you." I sigh. Yes Lord, You are right. I know you have made a way out for me.

I can hear the typing going on and on. When I'm near the door, when I'm not near the door. I go in sometimes to flirt with Jack, because he's so cute and clever and I feel so COMFORTABLE around him. Typing. Typing. Typing.
"who hath wounds without cause? who hath redness of eyes?"
Suddenly the typing stops. I run into the room and down to the desk. Jack is gone. I read what he has been typing, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." Pages and Pages of it. The hair stands up on my arms and I feel very scared. I run outside and there is Jack; breaking down the hedges with a sharp scary ax and he has that crazed look in his eye again. "How did you get out?!" I yell at him. "You let me out," he yells back. He throws down the ax and grabs me by the shoulders and screams, "YOU WANT ME!" and throws me down to the ground.

I wake up. My head is pounding and my mouth is dry and I feel like all the water has been sucked out of my body. I have sinned. I am a foolish woman who tears down her house with her own hands. I have allowed the breach in the security system. I have seen the hole in the wall and dug at it little by little until the whole wall has crumbled down. I was the temptest that refused to be comforted. The Lord wrote me a love letter inviting me to walk with him and enjoy the fresh air and sunshine, and I cheated on him with my Old Man Nature.
They that tarry long at the wine; they that go to seek mixed wine.

Look not thou upon the wine when it is red, when it giveth his colour in the cup, when it moveth itself aright. At the last it biteth like a serpent, and stingeth like an adder.

Thine eyes shall behold strange women, and thine heart shall utter perverse things. Yea, thou shalt be as he that lieth down in the midst of the sea, or as he that lieth upon the top of a mast.

They have stricken me, shalt thou say, and I was not sick; they have beaten me, and I felt it not: when shall I awake? I will seek it yet again. Proverbs 23:29-35
Sin always starts in the mind. Where did I go wrong? When I opened the door? When I walked past it or when I noticed it? No. What was I doing going round and round by doors of locked sin anyway? A thought occurred that I did not lead captive. Any evil thoughts that are not led to the obedience of Christ have a way of growing and growing until they burst forth as sin. God always makes a way out, but we have to take it.

Time to rebuild the temple. Time to fix the breaches in the security system and shore up the wall.
Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; 2Cr 10:5
Blessings in Christ


Anonymous said...

Just read this and I can humbly bow my head and thank my King, my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. This spoke volumes to me and was like a cold splash of water to my face. Lets shore up the breach together. Thank you, Mary

wendyworn said...

Yes. A very definate wake up call. We are to watch and BE SOBER! This is life or death. Choose LIFE!

I repented of my actions and the Lord has forgiven me.

No more playin around.