When I was a small child, someone, who should have been my protector, hurt me. When the abuse was discovered, the ones who really SHOULD HAVE been my protector chose instead to protect the abuser, thus opening the door for him to hurt me again.
When I grew older, I met girls who had older brothers who protected them. I sighed over the fact that I had no older brother to protect me. I was the firstborn daughter. So I became the protector. Woe to those who tried to mess with my little sisters!
I joined the military in order to serve and protect my country. I understand the ways of a soldier; ranks and hierarchies and chains of command. I understand the battlefield and what is required of a person who swears to protect the innocent.
I married a man who promised that HE would protect me and always be faithful. But when I caught him cheating on me, he protected his adulteress, telling me that she was a better woman than I.
So I completely understood what it meant if you told me that you would be my protector. I understood it completely.
It meant: I was on my own.
Several months ago, I took a concern I had to the Lord. In Stuart Best’s book, “Darklight,” (which I believe I have already warned you NOT to read) he stated more than once that a person wasn’t really born again until they had seen the Lord in person with their very own eyes. That really bothered me. I had not seen the Lord with my own eyes, but I knew I was born again and I felt I was close to the Lord. I read on other people’s websites that Jesus would come into their bedrooms and sit on their beds and tell them the craziest things. Some people had angels with names from Old Testament prophets appearing to them and telling them the future. (Before you get upset, I’m not saying those were not real experiences, just not what I had experienced.) I read about a man who said it took months and months of seeking the Lord before he saw him. Months and Months! Oh Lord I cannot wait months and months.
I was writing blog posts about false prophets and while I understand a lot of what I am reading on the internet is simply not true, I was saying to the Lord, but they say they have seen you Lord. You are not a respecter of persons. I want to see you too.
I read about Job. He recognized that there was no daysman, no mediator between God and man (Jesus Christ) and lamented the fact that he wished his adversary had written a book. It may be that the only prophecies Job knew about were that the seed of the woman would bruise the head of the serpent. And although the spirit realm was hidden from Job, Job knew about the serpent.
So when the Lord revealed Himself to Job – He did so using only the natural realm – from the stars and constellations in their courses, down through the animals. How the Lord himself assisted the animals as they give birth in the stillness of the wilderness, and gives His strength to the horses. Every part of nature reveals the Lord and His mighty love for His creation. Every river, season, animal and heavenly body is a parable that shows the handiwork of our Heavenly Father. In the end, the Lord explained to Job about his adversary, leviathan, the serpent from the sea. Leviathan, who is also the spirit of alcohol by the way, whose scales are so close together that even air cannot pass through. There are no chinks in his armor. No mortal man can slay this dragon. In the end Job said to the Lord, “I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear: but now mine eye seeth thee.” Job 42:5
I read about Moses. Moses wanted to talk to the Lord face to face. So the Lord brought Moses to a high mountain, but the Lord explained that He could not show Moses His face, only His backside. So the Lord passed by Moses and put His hand over Moses – and then let Moses see His mighty plan – but only as it was filtered through the Law. Moses met the Lord as the Lawgiver and the Law is only the backside of God’s plan. That was why Moses could see the Promised Land – but not go in. The Promised Land is Jesus Christ – and you cannot truly enter in – until you have left behind the Law. Yet, even so, when Moses came down from that mountain – his face shown like the sun – and everyone knew he had seen the Lord.
There are more, too numerous to mention, in God’s word who sought to see the Lord, and they saw the Lord, in sundry and manifold ways.
So I sought the Lord saying, Thy will be done Lord, and if it isn’t too much to ask, can I see you too? I did not understand these things before. Now I understand. First the Lord shows Himself to us, like he did to Job, through the natural realm. When we understand that everything in the natural realm teaches us about His Word, Jesus Christ and His plan of redemption and His tender mercy and love for all His creatures. The Lord teaches us about the enemy and that the enemy appears to have no weaknesses.
Next He shows us the Promised Land Jesus Christ, but only as it is filtered through the law. The law is like spiritual training wheels. You need the safety of the law, it is concrete, something that you can hold onto. Through the law, the Lord is leading you by the hand to be able to see and understand Him more fully in the parables of feasts and holy days. You need to go through the wilderness of the law, to be fed of the manna and drink of the water from the Rock. To understand and trust the Lord who comes to you as a cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. You may have to experience hunger in order to appreciate being fed and experience thirst to understand and appreciate when that thirst is truly quenched by the Living Waters.
Although it seemed very sudden when it all fell into place, the Lord had been leading me to this moment my whole life. For the first time, I really saw the Lord. For just a glimpse the Lord showed me Himself as He truly is – A loving Father who sent His only Begotten Son as a living sacrifice – in order to truly reconcile the whole world unto Himself. I was in awe of the Father I now understood to be Righteous and Just and Loving in ways I could not have even fathomed before. That in the end, all would be saved. That every judgment was only fair and just and righteous but most of all CORRECTIVE. The Lord does not come down to our level. But he meets us as we are; covered in our own blood and washes us and puts jewels in our ears and beautiful garments on us, and covers us with His blood. I would never see anything the same as I had seen it before, my Father was bigger and more powerful than I had known up to that point.
I had seen the Promised Land – through the filter of the law – so I knew that there would be giants there. I was prepared for giants (or so I thought), I was not afraid of giants. When the Lord revealed His plan to me, I had not realized that I was no longer in the wilderness. I had entered the Promised Land. That was why the battlefield had changed and I had not realized it. The furnace had been heated to seven times hotter. Going into battle as my own protector I was quickly defeated. I was beat up and bruised and what is worse, I had sinned against my only true friend.
But when I woke up the day after, I knew something was different. I had sinned before (oh please – girlfriend has sinned many many times in this life) and always the spirit of condemnation was there to tell me I was a piece of crap, a loser, and would usually throw in fat and ugly for good measure. Oh I knew there was going to be a consequence (besides the consequence that comes with that particular sin – the hangover) – the Lord gave me a dream and told me what the consequence would be – I actually wish I could tell you what it is going to be because it was the Most Righteous and Appropriate consequence I’ve ever had in my life that I actually thanked the Lord for being so merciful and Righteous.
As I wrote before, I thought that I was supposed to get back into the battle, and was actually surprised when the Lord said no. The Lord told me to be still and wait on Him. But sometimes I would cry, and I felt that the Lord was rocking me and touching my hair and just saying, “ssshhhhhh, be still, be still.” I also knew that I was not in the battle. Something was different. I knew that the Lord was protecting me from the battle. Because everything was quiet. The spirit of condemnation was not there to rub my face in my failure. For the first time in my life, I really felt protected. Like I was under the Lord’s hand of protection. Like I was wrapped in supernatural bubble wrap.
Then the Lord revealed Himself even more. When you enter the Promised Land – and fight your first battle there you are met by the captain of the Lord of hosts. The Lord needed me to understand that I would no longer be fighting battles against the adversary. The Lord of hosts would be fighting those battles from now on. Jehovah Sabaoth. I don’t have time to go into the fact that biblically women never fought in battles and that one of the main reason a women was always under the authority of her father or husband was because she NEEDED to be PROTECTED.
The Lord came to show me that He – as the Lord of hosts – the Lord over all the hosts of heaven - would be my protector from now on. The proof was in the fact that he was not allowing the spirit of condemnation to attack me after my sin. That is why it says; NOW there is therefore no condemnation to those who walk not after the flesh but after the spirit. For the first time in my life I had a real protector.
Of course, when I really realized that I was in the Promised Land – I remembered the promise that I would have a husband. A foolish thought occurred – what about my husband? Then I laughed. The answer was there all the time. For thy Maker is thine husband; the Lord of hosts is His name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One; The God of the whole earth shall he be called. Isaiah 54:5
I’d like to introduce you to my husband, my protector, my hero. Jehovah Sabaoth. The Lord of Hosts.
Blessings in Christ