Sunday, June 12, 2011

Confessions of a Hoarder

I come from a long line of hoarders. Which is why I can be so sympathetic when working with hoarders, I've been there. I got rid of a lifetime of accumulation when I first started this trip a couple years ago. Oh, furniture and dishes are fairly easy to replace - but it is the little sentimental things that are the hardest to part with.

When I first started out on the road in June of 2009 I had a little blue mini van. I had an air mattress in the back to sleep on and blue storage containers with cooking utensils and canned goods. I had several suitcases strapped to the top with stuff I just kindof felt at the time was unique and irreplaceable. Little paintings and nice clothes. I justified keeping the nice clothes in case I get a job, you know, I might NEED them!

Of course, this is Oregon. I know you people out there in Texas praying for rain, don't have the concept of the amount of rain we get here in Oregon. It practically rains every 20 minutes here and other times it pours. (ok, we may have a few clear days here and there, but most of the time rain rain rain.) So of course after driving in the rain for a couple of months, I took down the suitcases to readjust. Everything in those suitcases had molded. It was very gross.

I knew the Lord was trying to show me, that I wasn't going to need that stuff, but more importantly, that keeping that stuff was a product of unbelief. Deep down, I didn't believe the Lord would meet my needs.

When that van died I went through my stuff again. But I still kept all my canned goods and cook stove and little green bottles of propane. I was still in the surviving the post-apocalyptic world mindset and I was ready for the downfall of society. (sortof pre-madmax) Which is why I LOVED this van. It was so big and I could sleep rather comfortably. I did need all that stuff that I had then to travel and cook with and especially when I went down to Southern Oregon and lived in a Wal-mart parking lot for over two weeks.

Then this van broke down. It was okay, I wasn't using it at that point anyway because I was helping my parents go through their 35 years of accumulation in order to get their house on the market. Somedays were harder than others, but now my parents are seeing the benefits of living lighter and not having all this STUFF weighing them down.

I understand now why I wasn't getting answers from the Lord about my van. I wasn't yet ready to part with the stuff I had in the van and get my possessions down even further. So that is what I have been working on the last few days. I realize that I will not be riding out the end of civilized society in my van and camping out off the grid somewhere. The nature of my journey is changing. The Lord will provide me with whatever I need on this journey, but for now, it does not include tents and cooking stoves (and cans of Spaghettio's.)

The things of this world hold us back sometimes from the spiritual insight that the Lord wants to share. In order to really let go of those things, you need to TRUST that the Lord will provide. I feel I am finally ready to let go of these things, but still, the process is not without a certain amount of heavy sighing and determining what can be kept and what has to go. It is definiately a process.

Blessings on a much lighter side
In Christ


Anonymous said...

True word.

The natural things of this world will definitely hold us back from the spiritual things God wants to teach us.

I had to let go of it all, it was not necessarily easy either. I soon figured out none of that stuff mattered though, and like you said, God was about to teach me how to really 'trust' him with NONE of it. To show me he can provide what I NEED, and I would need none of that stuff for this journey he was going to take me on anyway.

One day at a time.


wendyworn said...

I agree. I don't want anything to stand in the way of learning the truth of how to walk with the Father.

If it gets down to the shirt on my back, so be it!

love in Christ

Anonymous said...

Amen! So be it! For me, it had been ONE very large duffel for the first 3 years, these last two years it has been 1 1/2 duffel bags.

I use to look at that one bag and say, "All of my life is in this ONE bag".

The truth was, NONE of my LIFE was in that bag.

I just logged back into my blog and this is the "Prayer" for the day that popped up, no kidding, I had never seen this one before a few minutes ago:

"My Prayer for Today"
Empty my hands O God, that in my emptiness I may be filled with better things, things that last and never fades away.

Yes, God has a sense of humor.

wendyworn said...

Wow! Yeah, because even now I am having a very hard time cutting it down further. But I cut it down and then re-assess and then cut it down and then re-assess. I am surprised at how much stuff I use in a day for just my daily routine.

But I will just continue to chip away until I'm ready for the next journey.

thanks for all your comments!

Anonymous said...

You are welcome Sis. You will downsize as you need to, of course he will prompt you when the time is right to get rid of more 'stuff'.

For me, I had to get rid of ALL of it in 'one' shot. I still ended up getting rid of a few more things later on. I have collected more things, mostly clothes/shoes though, that is really it. I got to keep my pictures, a few books and important papers. But, everything he made me get rid of.

I think what I miss the most is that Old 'iron' I loved and all of my books and movies. I had a huge collection of DVD's and VHS' of movies, and MANY books. Those are the only things I miss at times. Deep down though, I would not change a thing.

Look at this prayer that just popped up when I logged in again a few minutes ago. Again, I kid you not. I NEVER saw this prayer either until just then. WOW!!

"My Prayer for Today"
Lord, help me keep in mind that it is not in hoarding possessions but in flowing strongly with life that I shall find true salvation.

wendyworn said...

That is amazing!!! I am in awe at the Lord's awesome timing!


Anonymous said...

That is absolutely AMAZING! I had to laugh when I saw that, our GOD is GOD!