I am not perfect on this walk by any means. I have flagrant character flaws just like everybody else. I know there are Chinese believers being tortured in prison for their faith who would think my trials are a cake walk. So I began to pray that the Lord would help me to be content in all things, whether I was abased or whether I abounded. My Heavenly Father is not without a sense of irony.
Back in the day, I thrived on chaos. Give me deadlines and 30 hours to complete a 45 hour job and I'm your woman. I was addicted to drama and stress - it was like an elixer. The busier I was and the more that was expected of me, the better I did. But give me five days off, and I would start to feel panicky.
My mom told me I was like that as a child. I loved the routine of school but long days and summer vacation used to make me antsy. Too much time and not enough to do - would wear me down after a while. I'm still like that. I can make a daily routine up, you know: walk, practice guitar, listen to Russ Dizdar live at 3pm, clean the kitchen, do the laundry, etc. That was fine for a while, but after 10 months, I was beginning to wear down some. I realized that the Father was teaching me to be content, but thankfully, He is also so tender and merciful and knows just where our breaking point is.
His timing is perfect. If I didn't know that I was leaving here in the next couple weeks, being here would have crossed the threshold of tolerance for me. It would be unbearable now, but because a way out is on the horizon, it is bearable. Thank God for the promises He has given us. That what He has started, He is able to finish and that someday, Christ will be revealed in me, and I will be content with all things.
Please pray for me.
Blessings in Christ