When we were still in Wyoming there was a time when everyone went to the store except for me and my 93 year old grandfather. We were watching tv and I'll have to admit, he's kind of intimidating so I was a little uncomfortable with our lack of conversation. The show Jeopardy came on. So we had a little bit of a competition by shouting out the answers to the Jeopardy questions. My grandfather is quite the history buff so he knows alot of the answers. But I know some stuff too and was able to answer some questions that he didn't know.
Then came a strange question. "a layer of the ocean's stratosphere and also a 60's television show". (I'm paraphrasing because I can't quite remember the exact wording.) My grandfather looks at me, but I just shrugged. I'm wracking my brain but I got nothing. Then Alex Trebek says, "What is the Twilight Zone." Wow, I shoulda known.
(While I was writing this blog post my mom called to tell me that my aunt did not get that job. My aunt was really upset about it because she had felt that the Lord had set up the job interview and the apartment. Now, it is not clear what she will do. But she has to move from her current apartment around August/September no matter what. I said, "maybe the Lord wants her to stay in Casper?" So I may still be going to Casper to help her move at some point. The Lord's timing is perfect so we will just take it one day at a time.
I forgot to bring my guitar (and my cell phone) to the farm so I am not happy about having to go three days without practicing. Hope my callouses hold up.) As I sit on the back porch looking over the valley - I feel somewhat like I have entered my own private twilight zone.
I once believed in the Rapture and I regularly sent my tithe to a man and his wife who had a rapture themed ministry. Of course the false doctrine of the pre-trib rapture also has somewhere in the doctrines that the bear of Daniel is Russia, and that Putin was probably the antichrist or at least AN antichrist. Or something ridiculous like that - I don't remember now. Many times the Father had directed me to send them money and many times they would write and tell me that the money came just in time - that sort of thing. I was on their email list. But the Lord was beginning to show me that the truth was not in the rapture doctrine. So one day I got an email from their ministry. It was of one of their followers going off on this rant about Putin and how he was so evil you could see it in his beady little eyes, etc.
I immediately emailed that man and told him to take me off his email list. He was justifyably shocked and asked me why since I had been a stauch supporter before. I told him that I no longer believed in the pre-trib rapture doctrine so would not be a part of his ministry any longer. That was true of course, but it was the hatred toward Putin that this other follower had spewed forth and was forwarded by the minister that really bothered me, even though I had posted pictures of Putin with his shirt off on this very blog with the words EWWWWW under it. So I was not without my own sin in that respect.
Next the Lord lead me to a website that talked alot about authority and submission, the Jezebel spirit and head coverings. At first I cried like a baby when I thought I was supposed to wear a handkerchief on my head. O. My. God. You want to know about persecution? Go from being a beer drinking, cigarette smoking, cussing, video gaming carnal christian chick to quitting everything and wearing a doily on your head! Oh no. That did not go over very well with the fam.
I just wanted to obey, but said, "Oh Lord! Have mercy on me I can't keep this thing on my head! It keeps getting caught in the bushes and slips down and I look absolutely horrible in it. It's really not me Lord." Thankfully He led me to Target where a hat that hadn't been there the day before that was really cool with patches and stiches that went outside the box was. "Ok Lord, I'll wear this hat as a headcovering." Phew.
So then I spent the next couple years under the law. Oh you know. Looking down my long legalistic nose at all those sinners out there. What?! Are you wearing earrings? The kind I use to wear? Is that make-up. Well, I'm not quite to the skirt wearing phase but my jean's are modest let me tell you. Under the law, I listened to all the "old testament prophets" Doom and Gloom baby, doom and gloom. Yep. Any moment God is going to judge all you 53 million abortion people with all SORTS of natural disasters and there is just not enough repentence in the world to save the lot of you. I, of course, will be tucked safely under the wings of the Father because not only am I one of the elect - but I am also wearing my special hat slash secret headcovering.
Thankfully, the Lord began to show me Who HE really was. An amazing God of Love, full of mercy and long suffering toward us and that Jesus saved the whole world by his sacrifice and resurrection.
That of course, is where the twilight zone comes in. Now what? What do I believe now? What does the Word say now? I guess I'm no longer an evangalical or a pentacostal or a charismatic. Even though, I never allowed myself an actually label. I went to the Seventh Day Adventist church for a while and a independent pentacostal, but I never identified myself as an Adventist or Pentacostal. I used to say, "I'm a member of the Body of Christ so I guess I can go to whatever church I want."
There is a group that calls themselves Christian Universalists that I suppose I can identify myself with, but even they all have a bunch of different doctrines between them. Some of which I think tend to want to mix New Age and Christianity, which I think is a dangerous road to be on.
So once again, I'm not going to put myself under another man-made doctrine by giving myself a label. I'm going to believe the part of God's Word that is the simple truth. God sent His only Begotten son, not to condemn the world but to save it. Also. I have figured out that I really don't know anything at all. I thought I knew the truth when I believed in the rapture. I thought I knew the truth when I was under the New Testament law with it's head coverings and eternal torment.
I am now at the place where I have determined not to know ANYTHING but Christ, and Him crucified. Maybe now, the Lord can begin to teach me His truth.
Blessings from the Twilight Zone