There are times that I am so in awe of my Heavenly Father and how He directs my steps and arranges things in my life for His glory. He never ceases to amaze me.
I'd been feeling a little "what's my purpose in life" lately like I sort of talked about in my Twilight Zone post. When I was talking to my mom on the phone, after she told me that my aunt had not gotten the job, I had said, "Well, if it is the Lord's will for me to go out there, He will make a way. If He has work for me out there." My mom said, "He has work for you here!" At the time I kindof shrugged and thought, what work? In my stupid human brain, I have felt that I'm just ticking off the days, practicing my guitar, trying to exercise and lose weight and I have lost weight! The same three pounds over and over. Checking off the days of the calander with big red imaginary X's.
Several weeks ago, a friend from high school called to see how I was doing. She calls every five years or so, and she is nice, I like her but we always live several states away. She kept asking what I was doing and I was hesitant to tell her because you know why. She could really tell I was reluctant to talk about my life. Finally I said, "Fine - you want to know what I am doing? I am on a special journey from the Lord!" Although that didn't quite open any doors to share about God's word, I did have an opportunity to share a bit of my testimony. She said, "Maybe you can go to the Peace Corps or go to Africa for a mission trip?" I said, "There are lost people right here that need to hear about the Lord." She laughed and said, "I never thought about it like that!~"
I know that it is just the adversary trying to make me feel like I don't have a purpose - like the Lord doesn't really have a plan for my life (or worse that the plan is for me to slowly rot away in my parent's basement surrounded by quilts and guitar manuals. Oh and chocolate.)
The first night that we got back from Wyoming my sister stopped by. I was very happy when she asked if I would come over to farm sit. The plan was that she would come pick me up Wednesday morning and bring me back to her house and then her and her husband and my niece and nephew were going to go to the beach.
When my sister came to pick me up though, she was saying that her and her husband were not going to let my nephew (who is 18) go with because he was behind in his schoolwork. They still wanted me to come over so I could keep an eye on things (and maybe to add insult to injury by telling him he needed a babysitter.)
Now I have really have a soft-spot for this boy. He is my only nephew and I have prayed for open doors to share the truth of God's Word with him. I used to be the awesome gaming aunt who could discuss the latest Nintedo DS games or the Wii games and I was very cool. So my turning my back on all things gaming and turning towards the things of the Lord was quite the uncool thing to do.
My nephew had several pictures of the grim reaper on his walls that he had drawn. In times past I would use the pictures of the grim reaper to open a conversation about spiritual matters but they always seemed to turn into arguments. But then, I was a different person and didn't mind a good knock down, tear down argument.
So after everyone body left for the beach, my nephew was justifyable angry. He started to clean his room by pulling his mattresses off the bed and was making alot of noise. I went in and told him to put his bed back together and to stop throwing stuff around and gave him the "you want a piece of me?" look. He calmed down and said ok. He spent the next couple hours cleaning his room more quietly.
He came out and we talked about regular stuff. I told him that it really was out of love that his parents kept him home, that he really needs to finish his school work so he can graduate. He said, "I know, I know." Then he made this excellent chicken stir fry and I helped by cutting up the vegtables and it was really fun. I set the table and we sat down to a proper meal. I blessed the food and he was okay with that. I told him, "I'm really glad you are here. This is amazing food and this is fun. I would just be eating a turkey sandwich if I was here alone!" He said, "I'm actually glad too."
Later after we had cleaned up and I was sitting at the coffee table with my computer - he brought up the fact that we used to argue all the time, I said, (and I believe this was inspired by the Holy Spirit), "I think you only argued with me because you really want to know more about the Lord, but are afraid to ask so arguing with me was just your way of talking about it. You just took the opposite view of whatever I said"
Then the miracle occured. He said, "You know, I do have some questions." He sat down across from me in the living room and we talked about the Lord for almost two hours! I talked to him about God's amazing love and the fact that everyone will be saved in their order and that it is God that does the saving. He talked a little about the grim reaper. Not that he worships the grim reaper but he believes in the ministry of the grim reaper as an actual entity that takes people from this life to the next level. I asked, "what's the next level?" he answered, "Exactly" I laughed. The Lord will sort all that out later. I let it go.
My nephew told me that he had been going to a little church in town and that his parents didn't really like to talk about God. I told him not to worry about his parents, God will sort all that out too. He brought out a little book he is reading called "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan that he will let me borrow when he is done. Then he went back into his room to work on his homework.
I sat there for a few minutes praising my Father for the opportunity to share His love and Word with my nephew and prayed for the Lord to continue to work on my nephew's heart. I thought about my mom saying that I had work here too. I guess maybe I do. Thank you Lord!
Blessings in Christ