Friday, June 10, 2011

The Grim Reaper

There are times that I am so in awe of my Heavenly Father and how He directs my steps and arranges things in my life for His glory. He never ceases to amaze me.

I'd been feeling a little "what's my purpose in life" lately like I sort of talked about in my Twilight Zone post. When I was talking to my mom on the phone, after she told me that my aunt had not gotten the job, I had said, "Well, if it is the Lord's will for me to go out there, He will make a way. If He has work for me out there." My mom said, "He has work for you here!" At the time I kindof shrugged and thought, what work? In my stupid human brain, I have felt that I'm just ticking off the days, practicing my guitar, trying to exercise and lose weight and I have lost weight! The same three pounds over and over. Checking off the days of the calander with big red imaginary X's.

Several weeks ago, a friend from high school called to see how I was doing. She calls every five years or so, and she is nice, I like her but we always live several states away. She kept asking what I was doing and I was hesitant to tell her because you know why. She could really tell I was reluctant to talk about my life. Finally I said, "Fine - you want to know what I am doing? I am on a special journey from the Lord!" Although that didn't quite open any doors to share about God's word, I did have an opportunity to share a bit of my testimony. She said, "Maybe you can go to the Peace Corps or go to Africa for a mission trip?" I said, "There are lost people right here that need to hear about the Lord." She laughed and said, "I never thought about it like that!~"

I know that it is just the adversary trying to make me feel like I don't have a purpose - like the Lord doesn't really have a plan for my life (or worse that the plan is for me to slowly rot away in my parent's basement surrounded by quilts and guitar manuals. Oh and chocolate.)

The first night that we got back from Wyoming my sister stopped by. I was very happy when she asked if I would come over to farm sit. The plan was that she would come pick me up Wednesday morning and bring me back to her house and then her and her husband and my niece and nephew were going to go to the beach.

When my sister came to pick me up though, she was saying that her and her husband were not going to let my nephew (who is 18) go with because he was behind in his schoolwork. They still wanted me to come over so I could keep an eye on things (and maybe to add insult to injury by telling him he needed a babysitter.)

Now I have really have a soft-spot for this boy. He is my only nephew and I have prayed for open doors to share the truth of God's Word with him. I used to be the awesome gaming aunt who could discuss the latest Nintedo DS games or the Wii games and I was very cool. So my turning my back on all things gaming and turning towards the things of the Lord was quite the uncool thing to do.

My nephew had several pictures of the grim reaper on his walls that he had drawn. In times past I would use the pictures of the grim reaper to open a conversation about spiritual matters but they always seemed to turn into arguments. But then, I was a different person and didn't mind a good knock down, tear down argument.

So after everyone body left for the beach, my nephew was justifyable angry. He started to clean his room by pulling his mattresses off the bed and was making alot of noise. I went in and told him to put his bed back together and to stop throwing stuff around and gave him the "you want a piece of me?" look. He calmed down and said ok. He spent the next couple hours cleaning his room more quietly.

He came out and we talked about regular stuff. I told him that it really was out of love that his parents kept him home, that he really needs to finish his school work so he can graduate. He said, "I know, I know." Then he made this excellent chicken stir fry and I helped by cutting up the vegtables and it was really fun. I set the table and we sat down to a proper meal. I blessed the food and he was okay with that. I told him, "I'm really glad you are here. This is amazing food and this is fun. I would just be eating a turkey sandwich if I was here alone!" He said, "I'm actually glad too."

Later after we had cleaned up and I was sitting at the coffee table with my computer - he brought up the fact that we used to argue all the time, I said, (and I believe this was inspired by the Holy Spirit), "I think you only argued with me because you really want to know more about the Lord, but are afraid to ask so arguing with me was just your way of talking about it. You just took the opposite view of whatever I said"

Then the miracle occured. He said, "You know, I do have some questions." He sat down across from me in the living room and we talked about the Lord for almost two hours! I talked to him about God's amazing love and the fact that everyone will be saved in their order and that it is God that does the saving. He talked a little about the grim reaper. Not that he worships the grim reaper but he believes in the ministry of the grim reaper as an actual entity that takes people from this life to the next level. I asked, "what's the next level?" he answered, "Exactly" I laughed. The Lord will sort all that out later. I let it go.

My nephew told me that he had been going to a little church in town and that his parents didn't really like to talk about God. I told him not to worry about his parents, God will sort all that out too. He brought out a little book he is reading called "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan that he will let me borrow when he is done. Then he went back into his room to work on his homework.

I sat there for a few minutes praising my Father for the opportunity to share His love and Word with my nephew and prayed for the Lord to continue to work on my nephew's heart. I thought about my mom saying that I had work here too. I guess maybe I do. Thank you Lord!

Blessings in Christ


Anonymous said...

Isn't it amazing how the Lord reveals to us a little by little each day that we are 'always' exactly where we should be, doing exactly what we should be doing.

I know the feeling of wondering, "Ok Lord, what is my purpose and what is the point of this" since I've been on this 'special journey' for the Lord too.

The truth is though, I figured out a long time ago that everywhere the Lord sent me ( and like I said before I've moved around a lot over the past 5 years) he was using me to be a light in the home I was in.

Not only that, he was using the people I lived with to teach me lessons and refine me as well. It was and still is a 'two way' street. God wastes nothing and it is all ULTIMATELY for our spiritual growth and the spiritual growth of others.

That is our purpose, That is it!

No matter where we are, or where we go, we are always on assignment one way or another for God.

I think back to everywhere and every house I have been in the past 5 years. He even sent me to live with someone I had not seen in 15 years. This woman was someone I lived with for a few years as a teen, and honestly she did not want me in her home. BUT, she had no choice because God had 'assigned' me there to 'provoke' her in many ways SPIRITUALLY as well as to deal with me and show me things I needed to learn.

I know what you mean though, there are still days that I feel there has to be 'MORE'.

I am at a place where he has told me my next move will be out of the state again and this time for good. This I know. How? When? I have no clue, I know though that this season of my life is coming to an end very soon.

I spent 3 months in a homeless shelter as well. I remember a year before I was there the Lord told me I would have to live in one because this was a part of my 'preparation' spiritually.

To date, that experience has been the best out of all this entire 5 years. I am going to blog about it eventually.

One thing is for sure Sis, this journey will eventually come to an end. Until then, we are always in his will, even in our 'boredom' and what may seem like "nothingness' to someone else.

He has us right where he wants us for our sake and the sake of others.

This too shall pass sis and when we pass through these fires we will come out as pure gold!

Be ENCOURAGED! You are not alone. I feel your fears, wonder and despair. But, it is all serving a purpose.

He is with us, we are never alone.

Love ya!!

wendyworn said...

Thank you for commenting. I know you know what it is like on this journey and it is really good to know someone who knows what it is like to want to be walking by the spirit. I am starting to see so much of how the Father is using me and also, reading alot lately about not having free will. I know my brain cannot possibly fathom our Lord yet - I trust Him more and more each day.

take care!

Anonymous said...

It sure is good to know others who are in this same walk as you. I actually met someone else about a year ago who also is on this same walk.

The Lord has had her moving a lot too, even back and forth from a few different states. She is now actually here in the same town I am in 'for now' anyway as far as I still know.

I have not talked to her since she got back here. For whatever reason, it is just not meant for us to communicate at the moment. God is in control, that I do know. She has moved to a few different states to her children's home and just all around, back and forth as God lead her.

Of course her family thinks she is crazy and "God would not allow her to be going through that" type of attitude. I've heard all of that myself on this journey. I tell ya Sis, I have had to truly learn how to overlook the opinion of man or try to even EXPLAIN anything to them. That in itself was another lesson I had to learn.

I am pretty outspoken and God has really taught me how to 'turn the other cheek' a bit these few years.

As you keep going on Sis, you will figure this "Free Will" thing out. God will show you everything this wilderness is designed just to show you. I promise you it is A LOT!! I am blown away and am still learning more. God is truly IN CONTROL.

Knowing that he is in control is what has kept me 'sane' MANY DAYS!

This wilderness is also designed to teach us that everything boils down to being Spirit-lead. God will lead us in the way that we should go, and nothing or nobody can stop or abort the plans of God.

He is constantly ordering circumstances so that we line up with his 'Will'.

I've yet to see a time when the "WILL' God has not been accomplished. Be it kicking and screaming ( and I have many days) he still ordered everything to line up with his plan for ME.

The very fact that we are in this situation is proof enough we have no control over our lives. If it was left up to me I would have NEVER chosen this route, and it has been through this that I really came to learn the COMPLETE SOVEREIGNTY of GOD!

None of us can fathom ALL of God, but he definitely will give us what we can 'handle' and what we seek him for.

I use to pray to know God and be like Christ. I use to pray, "Lord take it all from me, just never leave me".

I had no clue he would 'literally' one day TAKE IT ALL! ha!! Goes to show you that our prayers and desires are given to us by the Lord anyway. Those are not even our own.

Who can counsel God? He is something...

Love ya Sis!!

Kim said...

You made me cry with this one! How wonderful! What a great evening. "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan is "crazy good". I bought it and gave it as gifts a couple of years ago. If you don't know Francis Chan, you should get to know him. He's on line on iTunes and you can download his sermons.

God is SO good. I love that all that happened. Please pray for my son. He has been having digestive/elimination problems and is scheduled for a colonoscopy and endoscopy on Monday. Pray for healing, for a safe procedure, for doctors' wisdom but most for healing.

I laughed on that "same 3 pounds" line! HA!


wendyworn said...

Aww Thanks so much for commenting Kim, I am praying for your son!

Blessings in Christ

Marshall said...

Linda, your 1-on-1 purpose is active! We do encounter friends and nephews wonderfully with divine purpose, even when caught unawares?
2-on-1+ expressions in purpose, like the disciples of Jesus sent out by twos, or as "Pilgrim" & "Christian" from Bunyan's allegory, make for shared purpose. All who believe know by the Spirit a shared purpose. May the Almighty One lend what is shared with you often!

wendyworn said...

Thanks for commenting Marshall. Would you like to do a guest blog about purpose on my blog? I would like to hear more about 1 on 1 purpose and 2 on 1 etc.

Let me know!