On the surface things are calmer but the battle continues still. The battle rages, within and without. Without I have told you about – the shoe police and losing my job even if the Lord opened a new one – the bitterness and unfairness was very hard on me to come to grips with. Within I wrestle with carnality and fleshly desires and I cling to them like a small child does with his security blanket. I tell the Lord I am angry with him for the script He has written of my life – of pain and disappointment and betrayals at the highest levels. I cry because I do not want to be the spiritual one – the one placed here to accomplish HIS will and not my own. I scream at Him because my current assignment is the hardest of all and I want to stomp my feet and say – I want this one for myself – I do not have the strength, the character, the ability to speak for you and be where you want me to be.
“My grace is sufficient for you – for my strength is made perfect in weakness.”
In the morning I am broken. In my brokenness I recognize what I knew all along. That every pain, hurt, betrayal, and suffering that I endure is for my perfecting. That the Lord wrote every word of my life for my maturing and for His amazing purposes of love and mercy and grace. He is not some hack writer but a brilliant author – and the story is not finished yet. It is the 2nd day. Martin Zender does a great radio teaching on the 2nd day. He uses the example of the movie “Field of Dreams.” The first day is the revelation to build the field and they will come. So he builds the field. On the second day – no one comes and it looks like it was all for nothing. The second day is long and hard and hopeless. But the third day – they come, and the revelation comes to pass.
All children of God have to wait for the manifestation of the prophecy concerning their life. Abraham was told he would have a son but he had to wait for 25 years before the son was manifested. Joseph had a dream that his family would bow down to him but it would be 13 hard years of trials and tribulations before the truth of that revelation came to pass. David was anointed King and it was many years of heartache and battles before he was to rule the land. No child of God is matured by any other way. The weakness has to come to the surface so that it can be cleansed and dealt with from the Father. I wish I would have obeyed from the start without the spiritual tantrum – but it is too late now. Yet, there is no way to be an overcomer without something to overcome. Where sin abounds, grace super-abounds.
“Be still and know that I am God”
It is time to be still. To sit quietly and wait on the Lord and know that everything He does – is for a reason and is perfect. To trust that what He has started in me He will finish. He has placed me here and put people in my life for His purposes and my job is to submit to His will. Please pray for me.
Lots of Love
Linda
