Thursday, December 10, 2015

A Beautiful Woman

When my grandfather died 2 years ago, my grandmother found herself alone for the first time in 75 years. She discovered that she did not like being alone, she couldn't bear it in fact. My parents and sister and I flew out to Wyoming for the funeral and my mom asked my grandmother to come back to Oregon and live with them. I was actually against the idea because I thought it would be very hard on my grandmother to leave all her friends and family and move far away. But she said yes and they packed up a few of her belongings and brought her home to Oregon.

My grandmother loved her life in Oregon. There is a big picture window off the dining room where my parents have a couple of bird feeders. My grandmother delighted in watching the birds and there is a couple of big fat squirrels that steal the bird food and she loved to watch them too. She loved how green everything in Oregon was and all the flowers. She always appreciated the little joys in life. She used to say, "It's a good life if you don't weaken!" I loved it when she said that and she said it often. She may have been the strongest person I've ever met. She loved God and loved life and was the kindest, sweetest person.

My grandmother was 97. She was blessed in that she wasn't sick, and she could still bathe herself and feed her self and get around on her own, although she did have a walker. She was a tiny woman, not quite 4 feet, (I suspect there was some dwarfism in our past since my great-grandmother was shorter that her.) She was always impeccably dressed with jewelry on and she had two wigs. One for daily wear and one for special occasions.

She was a hard worker and believed in "earning her keep." So my mother found things for her to do. She would do the dishes and empty the dishwasher. She loved to fold the clothes and no-one could fold a towel as perfectly as my grandma. Once I had brought our clothes over to wash while I visited and as I was folding them my grandma stood next to me with her walker and gave me a dirty look (extremely unusual!). Then I realized why and said, "Grandma! These are my clothes, I'm not horning in on your laundry duties" She laughed, and so did I. I teased her later about arm wrestling her for the dinner dishes. She folded the paper napkins for the dinner table and mom used to have her chop walnuts. One time I asked her if they are actually eating those walnuts or was mom just making busy work for her. She laughed and said that no, they eat the walnuts in their oatmeal.

My husband and I moved in with my parents after his sister committed suicide. We are only planning on staying through the winter because we have some work that needs to be done on the RV. So the five of us would have dinner together and it was nice. She had a pillow that she sat on at her place and it was a joy to be able to visit with her. I started doing the dinner dishes because we use a lot of pots and pans, but she still took care of the dishes from breakfast and lunch.

A couple of weeks ago, my mom came down to our bedroom to wake us up and tell us that the paramedics were there. Grandma had fallen out of bed and the EMT said they thought her heart was shutting down. They had to use a bag to carry my grandma down all the stairs to the stretcher in the driveway and take her to the hospital. She died that night.

My mother has taken it pretty hard and I'm glad that we were there so that the vacuum left by grandma's absence was not as severe as it might have been. She was a beautiful woman, inside and out. We had a nice funeral for her and then her body was shipped back to Wyoming where she will be laid to rest next to her husband. We will miss you grandma. I want to be like you when I grow up.

Saturday, September 5, 2015

Suicide is NOT okay

My sister in law, my husbands only sibling, killed herself a couple of weeks ago. They were very close. I wrote a three page blog post about it, talking about the background that led up to it, my interpretation of the situation, and the mess that was left in the wake of it. It was very therapeutic for me to write it, but I have decided not to post it. It doesn't really matter what happened before or my interpretation of it. None of that really explains anything anyway.

They say that there are 5 stages of grief/loss/death. With suicide, denial and bargaining are automatically off the table. There is no denying it - it's done and it's permanent. Bargaining - no amount of bargaining will change anything or bring her back. Which leaves anger. Oh yeah, I've been very angry the last couple weeks. This situation devastated my husband. We had to move because the idea of her never coming over for dinner again was more than my husband could take. I was angry with her before this happened as I watched the downward spiral train-wreck that was her life play out before my eyes and there was nothing I could say or do to change anything. I was even more angry with her after the fact because she knew my husband would be the one to find her and that was not a deterrent. I was angry about several other things that I'm not going to go into here. When I wasn't angry, I felt nothing. Not one thing. Not sympathy, not empathy, not any of the feelings you would normally think you should feel. I actually thought at one point that maybe my conscious was seared with a hot iron, that I was physically incapable of feeling anything about her. Anger or nothing - that is what I felt.

Yesterday was the first time I felt sad. Really, really sad. I was sad for my husband, I was sad for her and I was sad for myself and I've cried about it several times since. The next stage on the list is depression. Depression is such a stupid word I don't know why they use it on the list because it really is not accurate. Depression is a blanket medical term that could be any number of things. The true words should be sadness and regret. Depression, whatever, I mean I'm not depressed. I'm sad and I have feelings of guilt and regret, why isn't it okay to just call it what it really is? Grief. Mourning, loss, devastation, anything but depression. I guess there is no point in getting hung up on semantics - yet that word really does bug me. But I believe that you cannot get to the final stage until you first have a really really good cry. Or possibly more than one.

The final stage is acceptance. I'm not quite sure if I am there yet. We have plans for sometime next week to go to her grave for the first time and put some nice plastic flowers there. That is what my husband wants and I will support him in what he needs for his 5 stages of grief. Acceptance or no, we both agree, that what she did is NOT okay. It's not okay and it will never BE okay. But that doesn't stop us from still loving her and missing her, and going on with our lives.

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Altering Reality

photo source Here

You need to watch the following video. It starts out slow and you may be tempted to think you are not interested in what this guy is saying - but believe me - watch the whole thing, before reading the rest of this blog post.

Do you remember it being Berenstein? I know I do. Next watch this video to see exactly when reality was altered:

You will have to do more research on the Berenstein/Berenstain phenomenon yourself (sorry I don't have time to go back through my research and find links) - and there is a lot of information on this subject - and you can look into the Mandela effect and there are lots of theories on what has happened. Apparently, there are those people who on hearing this went into their attics and found their Berenstein bears books - but they all had Berenstain on them.

Yesterday on one of the blogs talking about this phenomenon I found this picture:

But his morning on simpsonswiki I found this picture:

I'm not tech savvy enough to verify if either of these pictures has been doctored. I just have to go on face value.

Some of the theories are:

We all just misremember how the name was spelled.

Time travel is possible and someone went back in time and changed it.

There are multiple parallel universes (and I do love this idea so much) and somehow a bunch of us from Universe E (the BerenstEin universe) ended up here in Universe A (BerenstAin).

But I have my own theory. Satan now has the ability to alter reality in a way that was not possible before. It is not just the berenstein bear either. I remember that it was "Sex IN the city" and now it's "Sex AND the city". It was "Interview with A vampire" and now it's "Interview with THE vampire". So WHY would Satan bother with these little insignificant changes to reality? They are beta tests in preparation for the BIG deception that he will pull on the WHOLE WORLD. When he does do the big deception - you will be unable to prove that it was ever different because reality will have been changed. As in "we are at war with Eastasia and we have ALWAYS been at war with Eastasia". I think I know HOW Satan is doing it.

When I first heard about this (YESTERDAY!) and started looking into the theories surrounding it - theories based on the false physics of the world that has already been a deception for centuries - I had to look at the underlying spiritual possibilities. It reminded me of an episode of Buffy the Vampire slayer I had watched. It was Buffy the Vampire - Season 5 - "There's no place like home". The video of that episode is below. The important parts of the show start with the opening sequence with the monks. Then if you do not want to watch the whole video you can fast forward to the 17:45 mark and watch through around the 26:00 mark (or more the ending of the episode clarifies some things about what was going on).

In the episode, reality had already been altered. Buffy went into a trance to be able to see what had been altered. Unfortunately for us - we don't have that option to be able to see what has been done to alter our reality. We have to rely on God unveiling the works of darkness for us. Because this stuff is just the beginning. The deceptions and altering of our reality will continue to get worse and worse. Now is the time to press into the Father and pray for discernment - because the Big Deception that is coming our way will be so huge and so very real that if it were possible, would deceive the very elect. Keep your eyes and ears open, but understand that your memories may actually tell you more of the truth than your senses will.

Take care out there my friends.

Monday, June 22, 2015

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Liar, liar, pants on fire

Sometimes the Lord wakes me up in the middle of the night. He won't let me sleep until I get up and write a blog post. I haven't written many blog posts lately, and I kind of believe that has something to do with being a newly wed. Biblically, when someone first got married they did nothing the first year except be with their spouse. I think it is more than that for me. I've learned alot this past year.

When I was still dating my husband, before we got married, I told him to look up. I showed him the massive amount of chemtrails they were spraying above us and what it meant. He was shocked because no-one had ever shown him that before. I told him about 9/11 and the federal reserve and he started to understand the grand deception being played on us. Not that he just took my word on it, but he looked into it for himself and was shocked when he recognized the truth. The truth is a hard pill to swallow. In a way, you have to want the truth. I mean, REALLY WANT IT. Part of really wanting the truth, is being willing to let go of your tightly held belief systems. That is really hard. So hard, they actually have a term for it. Cognitive dissonance.

I had a chance to take some free online classes on html/css and web design this past year. I learned how to use photoshop and illustrator and honed up on my computer skills. At the time I thought it was to boost up my resume. But now I understand that it was to show me something profound about the way we are brainwashed in the system. The system has gotten worse and more evil since I last went to school. I always thought I would be great at marketing and advertising. I loved doing logo design and the idea of coming up with a branding slogan. In my classes I learned about this new category in the IT realm. It's called UE. User Experience. The woman who taught that segment of the class said something that just really bugged me. She said that the point of user experience was to, "decrease the user's cognitive load, so that their anxiety when using our product is lessened, and their delight is heightened." (Liz Hubert). Cognitive load. Pretty much: Be happy, don't worry. Because we wouldn't want people to have to think now would we. I kindof got soured on those classes after that.

The world is full of lies. Satan is the master liar, and he has been deceiving us for a very long time. He is adamantly opposed to us ever knowing the truth. Not just about things on the earth but especially things in heaven. I don't mean the fictional place we think of heaven where everyone goes when they die. I mean spiritual realities on a higher level. We can't know the truth by what the world teaches. Everything the world teaches is a lie. I'm sorry, but that is just the way it is. God is real and Jesus was a real person. It does not matter what the world tells you about it, they are lying to you. I could so go on a rant about this but that is not the purpose of this blog post.

So I told my husband that I did not believe the earth was spinning. I said, "what about when a helicopter goes straight up and hovers, wouldn't the earth spin away under them?" My husband said, "the atmosphere is spinning with the earth." I said, "if a plane is traveling with the spin going to a destination and flying back against the spin, how come it takes the same amount of time when you come back as it did when you went. I mean really, when has the flight back been longer then the one you took to get there?" He did not have an answer for that one. I went on to say, "lets say that it is 2015 and we have a helicopter that can actually go into space. At what point does the helicopter going straight up, break through the "atmospheric gravity" and start to see the earth spinning?" He kindof didn't want to talk about it anymore. But he still listens, even if he refuses to go through any cognitive dissonance. He is not ready to believe that they lied about this too.

I started to look at some you-tube videos about the earth not spinning. It was strange what I found and even stranger that I knew what was presented to me was the truth - no matter how crazy it really was. When you understand that the moon landings were faked and you know that NASA are big fat liars, you really understand that they could be literally lying to us on a global level.

So here is the truth. You come here for a reason. Maybe this is it. Do you want the truth? You. Can't. Handle. The truth.

Monday, March 9, 2015

40 Interviews

The Lord has been showing me many things and every time I want to write a blog post about it - I feel very strongly not to. The things I am going through are for me and the people in my life and just not for the general public. I went on my 40th job interview recently and got my 40th rejection letter. 40, as you know, is a very significant number in scripture. It signifies a time of trial and testing and also judgement. Let me tell you, try going on 40 job interviews in two years and not get a single job offer. It is definitely trials and tribulations, especially if money is so tight. But, as is His mercy and grace, somehow we made it through each month, with all our needs met - and financially, it could not be worked out on paper.

I fully understand the verse now that talks about the difference between a single woman and a married one. The single woman is free to be fully submitted to the leading of the Holy Spirit, where a married woman has to be concerned with the WORLD - how she may please her husband. This is nothing against my husband, who is the promised husband. He is a really good husband, who takes care of my heart and is protective and my very best friend. He loves me very deeply, more deeply than anyone has ever loved me in my whole life, and I love him deeply. I am fully submitted to him and his decisions are very good, but I definitely do not feel the freedom to walk by the spirit like I did before. Yet there are reasons for this because the Lord continues to purge me and teach me and perfect me. The 40 signifies that the walk continues, the journey is the same, just time for new lessons that cannot be learned as a single woman. A new phase, with deeper understanding.

My husband wanted me to get a job. My family as well. So I applied to all sorts of jobs. Really good jobs, crappy part time jobs. I even applied at Game Stop because of my vast knowledge of video games. The woman who interviewed me told me that she had never played a video game before she got her job as she proceeded to tell me that I was overqualified to work there. Hello, I am more qualified to work there than you lady! Whatever. I went on a 3 hour interview for a library and made the horrible mistake of saying that if I didn't know how to do something I could Google it, and I don't know what we did before we had Google. The woman looked at me in horror. Oh yeah, that's right. Before Google people went to the library and looked stuff up. Towards the end, I had extremely good interviews. The kind where the people interviewing me made a point of telling me, well done, and that it was a great interview. But, still I wouldn't get the job. Lots of people would give me unsolicited advice. Where I should apply, what websites to go to. I'd be like, Hello! I've had 40 job interviews, you don't think I'm looking for work?! Yet at the end of the day, no doors were opened, no job offers. I know why that is. God does not want me to work in the secular realm.

One of the big lessons I learned while in Casper, was the cut-throat, wicked ways of the world. Both in the workplace and in the church. My aunt would ask me if I wanted to go to a worship service with music at the local church. So I would go with her. People would be standing up with their arms raised and their palms facing the music with tears streaming down their faces like this was so from God. I would think to myself, this is a rock concert. Shouldn't we be holding up our lighters and screaming WhooHoo! The message in the services had no depth. Outwardly it looked like it belonged to God, but basically it was just like the world. Empty shows with no real truth.

My job there, was, as Les Visible likes to say, for the purpose of demonstration. A clear picture of the evil in high places. A microcosm that represents the ways of the world that I could see up close and personal. Unethical behavior, lies, deceit, cowardice, manipulation, back room deals, and targeted attacks. The lies and deception of the world has saturated every strata of society, even down to the local level. Our very own country is on the verge of becoming the new Hitler's Germany.

But, I am not to be one who concentrates on the world. I am not one who's heart is failing them for fear of the things coming on the earth. My job is to seek the Lord with my whole body, mind, and soul. The people who are locked into the manufactured reality of the world do not understand the calling of God and walking by the spirit of God. It is foolishness to them. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks about it. I will continue to seek the Lord, through trials, tribulations, and purging.

Hope you all are well.
Love in Christ.


Thursday, January 15, 2015

I know - I feel awful about it

I'm sorry I haven't posted in so long. I really have been busy and I still do not have internet access in the RV. My husband and I had a wonderful wedding and he is such a good husband. He always opens doors for me and even insists on going out and scraping the ice off of the car for me. It truly is a miracle that I found someone like him. Things are good between us.

We moved off the farm at the beginning of October because the weather was starting to turn bad and we needed to move closer into town. We are parking the RV at my aunts house with our two cute puppies. I have to go into my aunts house to get online, but I'm finally at a place where I have more free time in order to blog. I'll try to post more often in the future.