I love you Robert

new world next week

New World Next Week

I know I haven't posted these guys for a while but maybe I will start again. Here is this weeks installment:

Jon

I snuck into the barn to get away from the crowd for a moment. I felt strongly that I should come to the family reunion this year, since I am now home from Wyoming and it is close. Most years in the past I have avoided it like the plague but this year I felt it was important that I go.

My mother has been feeling better but not quite to the level of spending an entire weekend with my father’s extended family. It was decided that we would go up on Saturday morning in time for breakfast and stay until after lunch and then head home. I sat and visited with various aunts and uncles and cousins. My father is the oldest of eleven and has five brothers and five sisters, which usually makes for huge family reunions between all the children and the children’s children and all the little grandchildren. This year was no different although it seemed there were less people this year than in times past. We arrived by eight and I was ready to go again at nine thirty.

My sister and her husband were going to run to the store and I asked if could ride along.

“That’s how agoraphobia starts,” my brother in law stated in his EMT terminology.

“I’m not afraid to leave the house,” I told him. “I’m not even afraid of crowds to be honest. I just have a hard time with our whole family in one little area.”

When we got back, I made the rounds again. A little chit-chat here and a rowdy story about the guy with the tongue there and sooner than I would have thought I had visited with everyone there.

Inside the barn were tables and the remains of last nights partying. Half full gallon jugs of rum were sitting on the table surrounded by empty beer bottles and over flowing ashtrays. People came out here to smoke but I figured no one would be here this early in the morning and I could read a chapter in my book before anyone began to miss me.

My cousin Jon came in to smoke a cigarette and I put my book down. I was never really close to him, not really, although he was always one of my favorites. He was several years younger than me, one of the younger cousins so we older cousins usually ignored them for the most part. He was a grown man now but he still looked so much like a boy. He was small and wiry with a shy smile and big blue-green eyes. It was good to see him and we talked about school and life and other stuff.

I remember years ago before I got married, before I went into the military, Jon had attempted suicide. I saw him a couple months after it happened. He couldn’t drive and asked me to drive him to the store and take him to look at cars. We spent the afternoon hanging out and smoking cigarettes and laughing. Although we didn’t talk about what happened it was still there, like a silent shroud, wrapping him in a wall that couldn’t be reached. There was a part of me that wanted to take him away and protect him and tell him that I loved him, but the wall was always there, even though he never meant for it to be. I was sad when that afternoon was over and I had to leave.

As we sat in the barn, I looked at his face and thought about how beautiful he was. Some girl is so going to fall in love with you Jon, I thought, don’t worry. I asked him what he was doing and he told me that he was care taking for a man and living in his house but that the job was going to be ending. “After I leave here this weekend I will have to find a new place to live.” He smiled that sad smile. I wish I had a place that I could have invited him to come live with me but I’m still staying at mom and dads. Another of our cousins joined us and I figured I had hidden out long enough so it was time to go back out to the reunion.

When it was time to leave he came to give me a hug. “It was really good to see you again Jon.” I told him. He put his hand on my shoulder. “Bye” he said. I didn’t know it was going to be last time I saw him.

My father got the call this morning. “Last night Jon’s roommates found him. He was unresponsive,” he told my mom and I, “He’s dead” I've been crying ever since.

I wish I would have told him that I loved him. I wish I would have told him he was beautiful and that someday some girl was going to love him. Now she never would.

It’s okay Jon. Your journey is over and you will have peace now. Some day all your tears will be wiped away and there will be no more pain.

Farewell, my friend.
Linda

Quiet moments

I miss the wind. It is too hot to sleep and I am sitting on my parents front porch. It hasn't rained since I have been here and it has made the transition easier. I am listening to the the quiet rustling of the trees and it reminds me of what I loved in Wyoming.

"you are amazing." I whisper to the Lord. "you really are."

I am thankful for the breeze and this intimate moment where I am close to the Father.

I have been working hard since I got here. Yesterday I painted the kitchen with my dad and watered the neighbors flowers and fed their cat. Then I showered and got dressed up and went to a formal Knights of Columbus dinner with my dad. It was very important to him and even though I was tired and sore I went. On the way, my dad told me that in 19 years he had never been to one of their formal dinners because something always came up. I knew I was where I was supposed to be. There was a time when the very idea of attending a dinner like this would have been out of the question. Now I understand that love is more important than that.

Long time readers will understand that I have not always had an easy relationship with my mom, and the challenges the Lord has already placed me in since I have been here have reminded me why I usually get along much better with her when I am thousands of miles away. But when I ask the Lord why I am here again the verses that talk about honoring your mother and father come into my mind. Maybe this is what I am supposed to be overcoming after all.

I've had some job interviews but no offers yet. I have a job interview this Thursday for one company and a 2nd job interview for another company but I know the Lord will place me where He wants me to be and in the meantime I'm getting paid for all the odd jobs I'm doing here so I have plenty of money and no bills.

There is more to be done here and I will continue to be busy doing it. It is again time to wait.

Love in Christ
Linda

Brandi Carlile - That Wasn't Me

The Battle

Up on the mountain top
Close enough
To touch the Father
Falling to the ground
Me, myself and I
Earth, earthy
Thank God for Grace

Never alone
But always lonely
Not of this world
But not free
The flesh is weak
But the spirit is willing
Time is an enemy

Heaven and Hell
Where are they now?
Words and words
And THE WORD
The kingdom of God
The god of this world
They are all in my head

~Linda Stevenson

Checking in

I wish I had more time to craft a well written blog post about my adventures the last few weeks but I literally do not have the time. I have been going strong every day since I got here. My mom said to me today, "Well, the Holy Spirit didn't waste any time putting you to work." Totally true. I have been helping out here at my parents house and helping an elderly friend go to her doctors appointments and last weekend I spent the entire weekend having great bonding time with my sister. I've even had a job interview. It was for REED College - a very prestigious college that no amount of research prepared me for the full-frontal nudity that is prevalent on campus. Needless to say I don't see myself working there.

Which is fine because I have another job interview on Thursday. This one is an administrative assistant job at Pacific University in Forest Grove. I really want this job but I also know that the Lord will place me where He wants me and if it is His will for me to get this job I will get it and if not - He will find the job He wants me to have. Meanwhile I have had something going every single day since I hit town and I just learned today that my son is coming to town this weekend! YAY! I can't wait to see him!! I hope you all are doing well and I will try to post something about the interesting people I have met and some of the things I have experienced - God Willing

Lots of Love!
Linda