Big Scary Bugs

(Ok, ok. Maybe not actually size! But close! Definitely close.)

Okay the last few weeks, my aunt and I have been having a battle against some AMAZINGLY FREAKY-ass bugs. Above is a picture of the first one we came across.

My aunt said if I cleaned her apartment she would give me $25 every two weeks so that I had a little spending money. So one day a couple weeks ago, I went into the kitchen with the view to sweeping and mopping, but what should I see creeping slowly across the kitchen floor but the above bug! I took a picture of it because I didn’t think anyone would believe how honking big this bug was. I get goose-bumps every time I think about it.

So I grabbed a paper plate and coaxed the hideous creature to step onto it, all the while imagining the bug flying towards me and eating off half my face. Luckily it stayed on the plate until I could throw away the plate and then quickly I tied the garbage bag and walked it out to the dumpster across the street. Phew.

Later when my aunt came home I showed her the picture and regaled my heroism in my battle against an unknown adversary. She looked at the picture and said, “I’ve never seen a bug like that.”

A couple days later, the second battle of the bugs occurred. This time my aunt was alone when she came across another bug, just like the first. She told me that she was not going to bother with paper plates and just grabbed a rolled up newspaper and hit it and hit it until it stopped twitching. I was horrified! “You killed it?” I gasped, “Oh my God, there will probably be some evil bug karma now (even though I don’t really believe in karma). I can’t believe you killed it!” So we knew something was on.

The next day I went to have a bowl of oatmeal. I keep my container of Quaker oats and the container of whey protein that I put in my oatmeal and the brown sugar, all in a plastic bag on top of the refrigerator because it is handy. When I brought down the bag, the bottom of the bag ripped and the contents fell out onto the floor. As I bent down to pick the stuff up, here was one of these bugs! It was dead, so I had no idea if the bug was in the sack before it ripped or just happened to be on the floor when the contents spilled out possibly killing it instantly. I shudder to think of it slinking around my breakfast bag.

Then a day or so later I went to wash the dishes. The little plastic tub that we wash dishes in was already full of soapy water so I reach in to grab the sponge and one of those bugs was stuck on the sponge! I tried to shake the bug off the sponge into the garbage but it was dead. It must have drowned but it was unshakably stuck to the sponge so I threw the bug away sponge and all. Later when my aunt got home from work I lifted up the lid to the garbage and showed her the bug stuck to the sponge. She said, “Lets bag that up so I can show my friend Sue and she can tell us what kind of bug it is.” I was all queasy fishing out the sponge with the dead bug stuck to it, but phew, got it put into a plastic bag for analyzing later.

Sue came over and we were moving some boxes out of the storage room when I noticed one of those same bugs dead on the sidewalk. It seems that someone went before me and decapitated the little fellow because its head was about three inches away from its body. I said, “Sue, come over here and see one of these bugs and tell me if you know what it is?”

So she walks over and what does she do? She steps right on the head! “EWWWWW!” I exclaim, “You stepped on the head!” Yuck. So she bends down and peers at the body and says, “That’s a Mormon cricket.” I thought, Yeah, Mormon. I told her I thought that they looked like a scarab and she said that scarabs are crickets which was something I did not know.

This brings us to today. I went into the kitchen this morning and noticed that there were not very many dishes to be washed, so I decided that I would wait until after I had breakfast to wash the dishes. There were a few spoons in the strainer and a bowl so I put them away. Then I heard a strange noise. It was kind of like a hissing noise. I wondered if there was air in the pipes or something and peered into the sink. Something caught my eye in the silverware holder of the strainer. I heard the noise again. Hiss, hiss. Inside the silverware holder was one of these bugs. Hiss, hiss.

Oh. My. God. Did you just hiss at me?

Sure enough, that bug’s body was moving in time with the hissing.

Hiss. Hiss.

OH THAT IS IT!!! I grabbed the strainer out of the sink and banged it over the garbage. The bug was out of the strainer but I couldn’t see it in the garbage bag. But I could hear it…

Hiss. Hiss. Hiss.

I was MORT-I-FIED! So I tied up that bag and walked it out to the dumpster but I could still hear that evil hiss coming from the bag. UGH. So that is the sixth occurrence of these bugs and as we all know, six is the number of all things scary.

Phew, I am getting goose-bumps just relating this horribleness. Have a good day today my friends and DON’T FORGET THE BUG SPRAY!~

Love in Christ
Linda